trusting the process

I have been in therapy for 5 years and some-odd months now. I am proud to say that I am in therapy.

I am proud to say that I have someone who holds my story, holds my truth, holds my pain. I am proud that I show up  in therapy 4 times a week!

I think that therapy is a process of “learning to trust”. It’s also a process of learning about yourself. learning0 things that you never knew before – inner strength and wisdom!

I think that therapy is one of the most courageous things that a person can do. You are opening yourself up and allowing yourself to be vulnerable to another person.

I have learned time and time again to “trust the process”. When things get hard and I start to back away a little ,or become disconnected, those are the moments that I think back to the 5 years of hard work I have done, and remember to “trust the process”

Trust the process that 5 years ago I was not even able to allow anyone to come close to me. Trust the process that 5 years ago, I would have never said the word “NO”. 5 years ago I would not be writing in a blog telling people that I have been in therapy for 5 years and proud of it.

I have been in a tough place this past month, and I even found myself disconnecting from my therapist and therapy. I have been in a hard place to where I started to back away from others in my life as well – becoming consumed to my own pain, not allowing anyone in.

being in this place I realized just how much therapy and my connection to others has helped me all these years. I realize that my old coping skills of hiding behind walls and my pain was “not” the answer. The answer is “trusting the process”.

My therapist told me on the phone tonight “you will get through this, because I know you”.

Another blessing of being in therapy for 5 years is I am known, my pain is known, and my strength is also known, and sometimes I need a reminder of that trust. Sometimes I need a reminder to “trust the process” – trust the process of healing ,trust the process of trusting, and trust the process of God and his path for me.

My therapist has been holding my story and my past for over 5 years now; that is a lot of trust! God holds my life in his hands, and I trust that path he already has laid out for me. I have close friends who also hold a part of my story – and I trust that.. I just need to trust myself to trust those around me even in the hard places.

It’s not easy to trust when you are in a hard place. You want to give up and retreat to your old ways, but I keep reminding myself that this is where I need to be, and this is where I am going.

Tonight I sit here reflecting back on the past couple of weeks, and I am trusting the process. I am connected, I am feeling stronger, and I am anticipating the path before me.

I have so many people in my life to thank for helping me see to trust the process of trust, love, connection and care! I just need to open my eyes and my heart a little wider sometimes in those hard moments.