taking the high road
Sometimes when I get stuck with my writing in my blog I turn to my good friend Tina and say “give me a phrase to write about” and she always comes up with something good that pertains to what is going on in my life.
it’s amazing how sometimes I can write blogs one after another, and other times I am blank! So thank you Tina for giving me something to think about; something that has been a huge part of my healing the past couple of months.
She gave me the phrase “taking the high road” and boy did that hit home!
This photo to the left is a road that is empty; but yet free of clutter, stress, destruction and reckless drivers.
This road is a road you can clearly see what is ahead.
This is a road with little or no distress – maybe even a little peaceful, and that is the road I am taking these days; a road to healing – the high road where I am no longer allowing people to crowd my path or destroy the goodness I am finding along the way.
I have so many good and important things happening in my life right now, and focusing on these things are so important to me.
I begin CASA (Court Appointed Child Advocacy) training this Saturday and will be training for 6 Saturdays along with 40 hours court observation.
I am TRULY excited for this great opportunity, and in order to fully accept this for myself, I have to take the higher road to all the things in life that try to take me down whether it’s people, life, obstacles or even road blocks.
My healing in therapy with my therapist has been some of the greatest work and honorable work we have done in a long time. We are finally coming to a place of full repair after what happened last year that completely derailed my healing and triggered me into so many old surfaced emotions that caused me to isolate this year, and I am so glad to finally be getting off that road of unfortunate destruction.
Sometimes you need to be careful of those who try to run you off your road to see you wreck just because their road wasn’t good enough.
I am no longer allowing people in my family to make me feel less than just because they can’t say “I am proud of you Karen for doing this CASA training” or even acknowledge the good I am doing – well because that is too much for them. That is another road I don’t belong on; the kind of road where people will drive reckless just to see you swerve and sometimes crash – leaving you with a hit and run.
That is clearly not the road for me – it never was, I just never believed I was worthy enough to take the higher road to all those in my life or in life to hurt me.
In my healing I am learning new things about myself that surfaced that I really needed and still need to heal, and in order to continue to do that for myself, I need to let go and take the higher road to where I can clearly see the path my therapist and I have laid out for me without the distraction and of life getting in the way of that.
This has been an incredibly hard year and a half for me. Many emotions, many triggers, many unfortunate events that happened, but I am taking the high road to all of that and focusing on what is right in front of me – a clear path to choose all the things I want to choose in order to move forward.
No more sitting in traffic waiting for everyone else to move in order for myself to move. No more letting people and their actions derailing me. No more sitting and waiting for others to give me the okay to move. I am done living the life according to others.
I have a lot of healing to do, a lot of great things to experience and this is only the beginning.
Today in session my therapist and I talked about what that road looks like for me, and how honored we both are to take the higher road together to see what is here for me healing forward. It’s scary and exciting and I can’t wait to see where all this takes me.
Tomorrow in session I look forward to sharing this blog with my therapist and reading it in the room to be heard. I will continue to move forward on the higher road no matter what is here – it’s my road to healing.
September 6, 2013 at 3:06 AM
I found your blog by randomly clicking one of the links for five-minute-friday. I am not participating in it this week, but I still like to read and comment. I was not sexually abused as a child. Emotionally and psychologically, yes. I endured two years in a sexually abusive relationship, which left me with PTSD. I am finding a way through, though. This year, I experienced terrible anxiety attacks and I know that the whole abusive situation contributes to it. I just haven’t had the cash to go see a shrink yet. Thank you for making me feel that I am not alone and that there are people out there willing to share their journey. It’s encouraging and I am hoping that it would make me a little more courageous too. Thank you.
September 6, 2013 at 11:14 AM
Thank you and no you are not alone. I understand anxiety attacks and it’s a horrible hijacking of our sense of self. I do hope that someday you find a way to see someone and talk about it.. it’s healing to let all that stuff inside be known and heard. I’m sorry for what you have gone through. So glad you are here on the blog connecting 🙂
September 6, 2013 at 9:10 AM
Great post today. Especially loved this line: “I am no longer allowing people in my family to make me feel less than just because they can’t say “I am proud of you Karen for doing this CASA training” ” So much truth right there.
September 6, 2013 at 11:15 AM
thank you Mazi 🙂 .. its a hard reality that line .. it’s amazing how my family is blind to things and I just can’t live my life waiting for it anymore. … thank you for your comment and support 🙂
September 6, 2013 at 9:42 AM
I know all about being unable to write whenever we feel blank. Sometimes, we just need to ride that wave and have enough faith in our recovery to believe it will pass. I always sense great courage in your positive approach to therapy. Your writing always exudes healing.
Good luck for the start of your CASA training on Saturday. I remember how much this means to you. At times, it might feel triggering but that does not necessarily mean it will be a negative influence on your life. I really hope it goes well and look forward to hearing all about it. It sounds a very important and worthwhile venture.
Often, our derailments can propel us forwards. A Chinese proverb comes to mind, “fall down 7 times, and get up 8” (words to that effect!). It’s important to surround ourselves with people and situations that contribute to our healing. Unfortunately, we cannot choose our blood family, but we do not need to allow them in our lives just because they are family. Stay strong!
September 6, 2013 at 11:16 AM
as always CAT, your words comfort me 🙂 everyone who comments and reads are such a huge comfort of support and connection. I appreciate it, and I will let you know how the CASA goes 🙂