Reflection . . . .
I do a lot of reflecting in my healing, and in my life. Reflection is my way to be with and honor. I write my reflections and thoughts in my healing work to my support – It really helps me to put things in perspective, and the reflection back helps just as much.
In fact, reflecting has been the core of my work in healing since day one; something that has truly made this journey a path, a path for me to see that I need to reflect and remind myself of where I was, and where I am now.
This past week (one week to be exact), was a week where I was driven off my coarse and thrown into trial and errors. I was challenged, I fought with some old stuff coming back trying to steer me into disconnection to make me feel less than. It was a tough battle, but the best thing that came out of it was realizing the strength I gained from it.
I also gained more trust and respect I have in this work I do. I gained the ability to overcome this obstacle and turn it into a stronger bond, a stronger foothold, with more wisdom and more hope, and a new found love for myself.
Today I actually showed up and just felt like crap – no filtering, no hiding behind caring more for others, not hiding behind me wanting to just PUSH through as fast as I can so I can keep going on the path I was on. This time I honored how I felt.
I showed up, and what I got from that was me honoring the care that I now have for myself. I didn’t show up to work; I work hard enough in this healing, I work work work all the time in trying to better each day in my healing, but today I showed up for whatever was there.
My whole entire life was always about taking care of others. I have spent a lifetime protecting others from any feelings that I had or have (sadness, anger, frustration). I have hidden behind my own pain, to sacrifice others. I care more about someone else’s pain, than I do my own . . . .
– but today, in honoring ME, I left feeling like I was alive for me, and that I was whole and not for anyone else! I left thinking to myself “It feels good to let myself be and not work, AND allow someone else to care with me and for me” and I accepted that! That is true movement, and today I felt it.
As I sit here and reflect on the week, I am breathing, and I am smiling, and I am reflecting on the hardness and goodness, the unfamiliar, and the familiar.
This was a week of: “finding my true self”, “being right where I needed to be” in a “pivotal moment”, all while having “compassion”. all 4 of those blogs that I wrote this week is a “reflection” of what it takes to HEAL and move through into movement for ME.
This is a good day, I am truly blessed for the support in this journey to heal, and most of all, for GOD who gives me the ability to say “I can do all things through him who gives me strength.
February 10, 2012 at 9:30 PM
Karen, what a reflection, a beautiful reflection. I am glad you have the support in this to find peace from all you have endured as a child. It sounds like you have a great support circle. When I was doing clinicals, we learned about how support is needed to enter into a world to heal, and I have proof of that just by reading your blog. I am glad you have a great therapist who cares, a great suport system of friends, and most of all a wonderful husband and kids.
I am proud of you
Karen Beth Courcy
February 10, 2012 at 9:34 PM
HEY MEL – thank you, YES I do have a great support system. I have a wonderful therapist, he is just an amazing safe caring person to be around, I can tell him absolutely anything and that is a HUGE step in healing. I also have a great friend Tracy (she is one of my best friends) and she has a job as a therapist.. but she is a friend to me.. a great friend who has been there since day 1 of my healing journey and has seen me go through it all with my therapist. THEN there is the great friends.. and the wonderful husband and kids.. I am blessed.. I truly am.. I have a church family too.. so yes this is a great set up for a great healing.. thank you for your comment .. I miss talking to you.. we have to catch up more often