reclaiming my path
Going into September it’s hard to believe that we are on the last home stretch of the year!
I have many good things coming up this month and I am so glad that I am finally beginning to find my path back; reclaiming the path that I felt so good on before this hard year began.
I am so glad that I am finally coming around from what seemed to be a year of never-ending challenges both emotionally and physically.
As most of you know it has been an incredibly hard year for me this year.
I feel like I have been thrown in the washer and put on the spin cycle a few times and then life came along and hit the RESET button over and over to a never-ending cycle that seemed to ring me out of all my energy and emotions.
I have gone through isolation and disconnection. I have gone through anxiety and fear. I have gone through bitterness and anger, and even moments of hopelessness.
I have experienced for the first time what deep depression is and anyone who knows me knows that I am not a depressed person.
I have gone through moments where I wasn’t sure If I could find my healing path back. I felt as if all my hard work was wasting away reverting back to the life I had before I found healing and it’s been hard to keep that faith going forward.
It hasn’t been a very good year this year but things are finally starting to turn around.
First starting with my healing in therapy. Therapy has taken a 180 from a year ago and I am so blessed for my therapist who has stuck by my side while we tried to recover from a real unfortunate event that happened a year and a half ago.
We both worked hard to come together and trust our relationship in therapy and we worked our asses off to really show up and continue being a great team.
We are closer and have a better openness now than we ever have. Sometimes being in a hard situation creates a new level of vulnerability and this one turned our work into something greater going forward in the work we are doing.
I have learned that the hardness of this year was about surfaced emotions from the past that I never felt before. I learned what pain is like without any walls and I also learned how to accept love and support without guilt from all those around me, including my therapist who has supported me and cared for me so much this past year.
I am working towards healing the many things that have surfaced and I am learning how to accept these emotions and feelings are here for a reason and how it doesn’t make me weak to feel them, but instead makes me feel strong.
My year began with isolation and it’s now at a place where I am open and healing things I never thought I would heal before.
I am still struggling with many things, but the difference is, I am not alone, I am talking about it, and better yet I am feeling it and allowing myself to feel it.
My therapist and I are really working hard on working with many things I would have never worked around before and that is making a huge difference. I am taking down walls that I swore I would never allow to come down and I have to say even though it’s scary, I am feeling a shift.
Today is the first day of September and I am looking forward to the remaining of this year taking big turns towards goodness!
It’s time to reclaim my path; the path I was on before it was rudely interrupted by unforeseen situations and life getting in the way and really throwing me on the spin cycle.
I look forward to walking down that old familiar path, and the new things that I am finding along the way.
September 1, 2013 at 11:33 AM
I hear you and your not alone
Thanks for sharing what you did
I am better off for it
Again thank you and I hear you
September 1, 2013 at 10:12 PM
THANK YOU 🙂 …. the best feeling is not being alone and that is why I write, connect and share. Thank you for your comment
September 1, 2013 at 12:36 PM
I do hope things continue to heal, Karen. I think therapy relationships are incredibly difficult due to our vulnerability.
September 1, 2013 at 10:13 PM
Cat – thank you so much. Therapy is a big relationship and our relationship was put to the test in the past year around something that was not in our power and we are strong and fought hard and because of that we have a stronger therapeutic relationship than we had before.. I am blessed!
September 6, 2013 at 9:44 AM
September 5, 2013 at 12:26 AM
I’m so happy for you getting beyond that crappy stuff that happened this last year. You have a beautiful path and a wonderful gift of a family and T. How’s the book writing going?
Sending love to you.
I’d love to hear what you think of clouds. I’ve been really enjoying looking at clouds lately.
September 6, 2013 at 9:48 AM
Gel, I think clouds are amazing, we never see the same sky twice!. I am from Scotland, where the clouds can be dramatic. The pic Karen uses at the top of this post has clouds that are regularly hanging over Scotland. I now live in London. Today is very wet but the clouds are usually a boring blanket of grey
September 6, 2013 at 10:15 AM
What part of Scotland?
I’ve never been to Scotland but we went to England and Wales when I was 12. I have some ancestory from Wales. I felt right at home there. I also enjoyed watching a TV series recently called Oliver’s Travels about two people who travel from Wales to Scotland on a detective adventure with a romance. One of the best parts about the show was seeing the countryside and the towns.
Oops sorry Karen for sidetracking on your blog!
September 6, 2013 at 1:21 PM
Scotland is a beautiful part of the country; very similar to wales… it rains a lot! The best place for clouds is the Isle of Skye, off the west coast of Scotland. I am from Glasgow, Scotland. I’ve lived in London for 18 years.
September 6, 2013 at 3:13 PM
GEL, it’s funny because I have a passion for weather and when I am out and about, I have SO MANY photos of clouds… I should show you sometime 🙂
The book writing is going Slowwwwwww hehehe