putting up the good fight!
This morning was a hard realization of what I needed to do to get through the hard, to get to the good! You cannot win, if you don’t fight, stand up, and make a choice! Sometimes when it’s really hard, you feel you don’t have much strength. You sit there and wonder if throwing yourself under the covers and disconnecting will make the hardness go away; but in fact, It feeds the hardness, it feeds the disconnection and makes it grow – and before you know it, it’s got you, you will be owned by the disconnection and the hardness that you are enduring.
You want the rainbow? you need to deal with the rain.. how do you fight with the bad, with the hard, with the disconnection? you just DO IT! there are no words, there is no blueprint, you just get up, and “CHOOSE” to not let it take you down. Whatever it is you are going through, you need to stand up, and grab that umbrella and weather the storm, and you fight for what it is you really want inside.
I could have taken this horrible night/morning and let it run me down to the ground, and drag me out of connection with all my support and the people I love around me, but its a “choice” .. a hard choice yes. I am not saying that getting up and moving through something that is hard is going to be easy, but the rain will stop, and you will persevere over it, because you made a conscious “choice” – I made a conscious choice this morning to not let it feed off of disconnection; but instead getting up and letting it grow weaker!
I have to say this, in this hardness also came some goodness in understanding and seeing that I have grown in my healing. A wise person always tells me “listen to your internal wisdom” and my internal wisdom told me this morning after a horrible night and morning, “I am going to get up, fight, win, connect, and persevere!” listen within, dont let the disconnecting voice overturn YOUR inside voice! I truly see that my path is different, I truly see that I am on my way.. this morning I put up the GOOD fight… and today I will win!
January 28, 2012 at 1:15 PM
Your right! I find myself telling myself this everyday. I have gone from Always letting the hardship dictate what my day was going to entail, to sometimes, to almost never. One day, after I eliminated certain stresses from my life and realized that I never Needed to live with that stress on my shoulders. That my own fears and insecurities where keeping me trapped in a situation that was destroying who I am so slowly I did not notice. I took control, and I can say I am happier then I have been in years. That not to say that I am always chipper, I am not, there are days I do not want to leave my bed for one reason or another but the triumph I feel when I do get out of bed, face the day, and find something to smile about makes all the effort worth it. Its been my ongoing project for the last year. Thank you!
January 28, 2012 at 4:05 PM
thank you KELA.. it turned out to be a much better daying.. having reached out to my support.. all of my support.. it makes a difference to lean than to try and do it alone.. it didn’t WIN.. I WON.. I love that I am in this place right now where I have the choice!
March 3, 2012 at 2:11 PM
Such a difficult thing to do on some days, it’s a major victory everytime you’re able too!