Long Road Ahead – “For Me”

When I saw this photo, my first reaction was “OH CRAP!” .. That is one big hill to climb! This is not really my idea of a “good workout” This looks like a leg killing, back aching, body sweating, emotional HIKE! But how else can you get to goodness, if you dont work hard for it? I am not putting this lightly.. this truly is a hard hill to climb. Sometimes in life we need to climb the big hills to appreciate what is on the other side.. for me I feel I have been climbing this hill most of my life.. I feel that each time I get up a hill, there is only a small break before the next… so when I saw this, I thought “are you kidding?”.. that is how I feel about what I am going through today.. “are you kidding”.. “more work?” .. but this time it’s different, because it’s for ME and no one else.

Alot of times I do things for others; for God, I do things for the “greater good”, I do things in caring more for others.. I have walked up many hills in my life for others, alot of pain and suffering for others, but this time, this hill is mine, and I am doing it for me – not my kids, not my support, not God, not my husband.. but for ME.

I may not feel this way halfway up that hill.. I will probably find myself cussing and being angry.. wondering why it is that I am going through more tough times. I will probably want to turn back around and walk back many times.. but this time it’s for me. This is not only about walking up a hill, but it’s about letting go of what is on my back; what I have held inside for 30+ years. This is not just about walking up that big hill; it’s about letting go of protecting what I have protected for 30+ years.

It’s not easy to let go of something that you have protected and kept inside for 30+ years – it becomes you – you become it, and there is a time in your life that you have to say “I have done all I can do”.. hardest words I have ever had to write, hardest words I will ever have to honor.

This time, it’s for me.. so I can work on me, work on what is inside and not inside of what I am carrying.. that is why this hill is so big this time.. it’s going to be hard.. very hard – but it’s time.