Compassion. . .
I have found myself using the word “compassion” a lot lately. Not only using it, but feeling it. Why is this being heard over and over in my head, and why has it followed me in this hard place I have been in since last week?
I have found myself needing to say it, needing to be with it, needing to feel it, and wanting to graciously act on it. I feel for some reason it has been the fuel inside needed for me to keep moving forward, and now I really understand why it’s been following me.
I recently read a quote from this author, and he quotes – “Compassion is the ultimate and most meaningful embodiment of emotional maturity. It is through compassion that a person achieves the highest peak and deepest reach in his or her search for self-fulfillment”
Whoa! – that gives me chills just reading it. It has definitely marked it’s territory in my path to healing. If you look at the picture above, it’s a path, with more detail. It’s not just a road, but a road to pay attention to; a more compassionate road where I have found the maturity to see, care, and have love for the path and journey I am taking; in finding my true self.
I have found myself this past week having compassion for people I don’t even know. The unknown part in this is, I have had a hard week!? Where is the compassion coming from? is it through my support and the people around me? Well, I do know that my support has compassion for me, and although sometimes I have a hard time accepting it, I do feel it – but where is my compassion for others coming from in this grueling week I have had?
Well it’s called “wanting to heal”. When you have seen glimpses of the true you; the path to healing, you find yourself having more compassion for not just the good, but for the pain you are enduring. You want so much to heal that you start to see the good in all the pain around you, even if someone caused the pain.
I find that having compassion lately, it makes me feel good inside; even if I am hurt or angry! It makes me feel like the child of God I was intended to be. I feel lighter, it feels more inviting, and really gives me alot to work with internally.
I have walked down my road to healing slow, and I have walked backwards with frustration. I have walked towards, and I have stopped in the middle of the road and sat in it in fear while my support sat there with me in patience. I have run ahead and then stopped to let others catch up. I have stalled, and I have even wanted to drive off the path and give up – But I have never sat and looked at the details of my path; the compassion side of it.
I have a new found compassion in the hardness, and I have used this compassion to find my own path. The life I had before was a path of circles, constantly going in the direction they wanted me to go in, because they owned me. Well I have finally found my own path; my path for me.
I think my favorite part of the quote above is ” Compassion is the ultimate and most meaningful embodiment of emotional maturity” it means I am alive, and I am feeling. I am ready to feel for me, and honor the story for me. It means I am ready to walk towards me in FULL.
Compassion is a very honoring thing to have for another, but even more honoring now that I am feeling it towards myself.
February 9, 2012 at 3:19 PM
Karen, compassion is a hard thing to overcome in difficult times. We tend to go into “self pity” when we are in moments of dispair. I think this is a wonderful part of your healing, and a selfish-LESS part of you. I love reading your blog every day, you inspire me to fight in my own battles. Thank you so much for sharing your journey.
February 9, 2012 at 5:44 PM
Compassion is a hard thing to have, especially in the lights of what you have been through in your life. I love this blog entry, it truly shows your strength, and it shows you have put your “healing” first. What a remarkable story Karen, I cannot wait for your book to come out, you are someone I look up to, not only because you are beautiful, but you have just as much beauty in the inside.
lets get together soon, I miss seeing you
February 9, 2012 at 6:21 PM
Hi There Karen – This blog as emotional for me, I sent you a private email, but this blog really helped me through some of my own trials. It is truly hard to have compassion when you are angry or sad, isn’t it? it almost doesn’t seem fair, but you are a good person, and you have over-come many trials in your life.
thank you for your blog, and the hope that there is life behind the walls of abuse.