being shadowed { no more }

I have spent a lot of time in my healing uncovering what has been shadowed for all these years; shadowed from my past. It has been alot of hard work – years of hard work to uncover truth.

My therapist said to me yesterday “someday you will see the beautiful wonderfiul person that I know and have come to know in the past 5 years – and you will see it someday”.

There are some things in my healing I have come to know, like what I wrote about {who I am underneath it all}

Those words are hard to hear, but in a way, it’s something that I long to understand.

When you have been shadowed to see yourself as one way, and others see you a different way, it’s hard to trust what is real – do you go with what you know, or what others see that you cannot see.

I think hearing those words gives me hope that there is something big beyond the past; beyond the abuse of my past.

people think that going to therapy you go into this room and sit on a chair and talk about your problems and leave – if only it were that easy!

Therapy is a process of trust, a process of reaching in and finding who you are behind the shadows of the pain and suffering held deep inside covering the true self.

I go to therapy 4 days a week – and I am proud of it. It’s hard work, but it’s work that has gotten me to where I am today 5 years later. 4 days a week, with one of the days being 2 HOURS.

My therapist knows the inside and outside of me – and I trust he holds what is behind the shadows so that I can emerge out and see it myself in full someday. I trust him with my soul, and this is the process of healing.

My healing work doesn’t end when I shut the door to leave in therapy … it continues through my day – how can I do one more thing better than the last? How I can I move through the day doing it a little different to make that shadow less covering?

This beautiful thing called healing is the hardest work I have ever done in my life .. but it’s worth it. It’s worth to see that shadow move – move away from me so that my soul can shine of the person I was meant to be.

I am excited.. I cannot wait to see what is truly there, and like my therapist said “I wish you could see what I see, a beautiful person”.. I can’t wait to see it, and truly believe it, when the “shadow is no more”.