because I am important
I never thought I would utter those words “I am important” .. but those words echoed in session today, and before I knew it, my therapist jumped off the couch in excitement and grabbed my hand to dance followed by the biggest hug I think I have ever gotten in my life!
His words were “those are the words I want you to believe”. My therapist had some tears going on in his eyes, and it was then I realized “this is pretty big”. 5+ years of therapy I have never truly said those words out loud “I am important”, I never believed it.
I always had this reservation or excuse as to why I have to handle things on my own like -“it’s my job to take care of myself” “because this is all I know”, “I am not important enough for others to help me through this” “I am not important enough for someone to go through a hard time for me” – today I believed, and today I said that I was important enough.
We are working through something right now, a certain “situation” on the outside that has been on and off again for months now, and we both have worked hard to figure out what to do with this, and with lots of work, connection, trust and faith, I think God is finally putting it together – we BOTH finally put it together.
I just sat here and chuckled for a minute thinking about the “dance” that happened in session a couple of hours ago. Thinking back on it, it was quite embarrassing; but funny as hell to see my therapist dance the way he did! I don’t think I will get that image out of my mind. It will always be a cause for a good laugh when needed, but also a smile, because I actually feel that the lie from the past was “I am not important” and the truth is “I am important”
– important enough to have support, important enough to have care, love, and connection to all those around me. I am important enough to show up to therapy and work through my healing. I am important enough to find empowerment over this certain situation we are working through, and important enough to dance in celebration.
The quote on the photo above reads “your greatest treasure hides behind your self-loathing, LOVE it out of hiding”
For me, the self love and importance was truly hidden. I truly believed the lies from my past for so long. No matter how many times in therapy my therapist said “you are so worth it” “you are loved and cared for” … no matter how many times my husband says “I love you” throughout the day.. no matter how many times my own kids say “I love you mom”.. no matter how many friends tell me how much they care about me, I always felt as if there was a price to pay for that love; a consequence – but slowly over time, more so in this year, I have been trying to accept it more and believe it more, and today I just truly felt that “yes I am important enough”.
Before leaving session today my therapist said “this is the empowerment to get through anything you come up against, if you believe you are important, you can move through anything. Everything that is hard will work itself out through healing”.
So I will continue to show up like I always do and know I am important enough to show up. Empowerment is here, and that is the key to moving through the many “pot holes” and “hills” I come up against.
So as my facebook status says today “SALTARE” meaning Dance in latin! I am truly blessed today, a little shocked that I said those words, but I am blessed I finally found the words of truth that were hidden.
August 7, 2012 at 3:43 PM
Karen, I loved reading this, it gave me a chuckle or two, at the same time I was so happy that you found self love and care in your healing. I love the quote with the photo
August 7, 2012 at 5:16 PM
Shannon, thanks for your response, I love the quote too! It rings so true today, it really does.
August 7, 2012 at 4:10 PM
Hi Karen, I just joined you over at network blogs. I have to say I love your blog, and I love what you wrote today. The quote is true. What a beautiful thing to realize what we are capable of, and I am so glad you had that moment today.
Hope to get to know you ~Joyce
August 7, 2012 at 5:17 PM
Hi! I just saw that you joined on network blog, I love network blog! I will have to check out your blog too.
Thank you for your response 🙂
August 7, 2012 at 5:12 PM
That must have been a rewarding moment, at the same time scary feeling. In my years of healing through therapy and Christ, I have really learned to find the good in myself and I know it’s not an easy thing to accept.
I love the part about the dancing, that is so funny.
Holly – lillybug
August 7, 2012 at 5:20 PM
Hey Lilly Bug! yeah, it’s still funny actually! but thats what 5+ years and a lot of work together does, it’s hard, sometimes frustrating, sometimes GREAT, sometimes joyous, sometimes GOOFY .. but it’s all healing, I have a great support system and God is MANY of those! thank you for your response, catch ya on facebook 🙂
August 7, 2012 at 7:02 PM
I love that quote Karen, and it’s true, I am going to use this quote.
thank you for the great writing today and reminding us of what we all need to find in ourselves (((HUG)))
August 7, 2012 at 9:58 PM
Hey Brianna, good to see you here! and a big (((HUG))) back at ya!
August 7, 2012 at 10:30 PM
OK when I saw the subject line, I myself had tears in my eyes. Oh my! to see those words is a milestone of what is to come for you. It’s just the beginning of your healing, accepting makes the healing happen on a whole new level.
sending big hugs your way
August 7, 2012 at 11:49 PM
hearts Hanna 🙂
August 8, 2012 at 12:01 PM
So maybe, just maybe, this is the reason for the hard times you’ve been having! If going through all of this has finally made you realize that you ARE worth it, and you ARE important, and you ARE loved, then maybe in the end, it’s worth it. I know every step of it has been stinky, but what a hurdle to have cleared in the process!! 🙂
August 8, 2012 at 5:26 PM
STACY! yes you are right, and today was a GREAT session.. we added another WEdnesday in session only because of “this” we ware working on, but today was GREAT.. I cried, and said things I never thought was inside around all this, and he truly GOT it.. TRULY supported me through it.. I am free 🙂 and I look forward to the continuing work in healing in therapy, and my friendships and family…. today was a GREAT day and like I said, something this week will change, and it has already!