a small break

I used to hate when there was a small break in therapy. You reach something big in therapy, your leading up to something so significant, and then BOOM – therapist goes on vacation!

I used to get so angry inside! Not because he was gone, or not because I had a hard time staying connected, but the thought “he goes away on vacation and comes back all refreshed and ready to work, and I am still sitting in the same heavy crap I was working on before vacation to which I needed to STOP at a halt, and then be expected to pick right up where I was before!

Today however, things are SO SO different, in fact so different that I myself am taking small vacations even if my support isn’t. I have learned on this journey that I need time for me too, and in the past 2 months I have opened myself up to taking time for me, like my two trips to the beach as of recently. I really allowed myself to enjoy that time away for me and my family.

I have the rest of this week off from therapy for the 4th of July, and I couldn’t be happier!

Yesterday in session my therapist mentioned email, texting, and staying connected the rest of this week, and I just tapped him on the shoulder a couple of times and said “GO have fun at the beach, relax and BE” .. If connection is there, we will both respond, but honestly, I am connected, and I myself could use a small break, and that is something I never used to allow myself.

I have never had problems staying connected on breaks, I had problems with detaching myself from my work in healing, and allowing myself rest and peace and time for me. All I know how to so is work work work!! Go Go Go!! fight fight fight!

In the past I would work constantly around the clock finding new ways to work on this path of healing. I have slowed down, I have taken deep breaths when needed, I have stayed in the moments and gotten to know me in those moments instead of running to the next thing. I have allowed myself to be connected in those moments, even if those moments are hard filled with tears or anger – even Joy and happiness.

Yes I am anticipating this great new path I am on in working on my timeline and so many new things that have come up in therapy that are hard and deep and a lot of work …. but I know it will be there when I need it to be, and I cannot be with those things if I myself am not rested internally.

So this week I am painting, I have already begun redoing my whole living room, I have been writing, I plan to BBQ with friends, spend quiet time at the pool with my boys, get my hair done with a good friend, sleep in, go to the lake with a bunch of girls Friday, and I will connect when I want to connect, and accept connection that is there – and Monday the journey continues.

I will write in my blog when it’s hard, when it’s connecting, when there is Joy or sadness or even anger.. and I will stay connected to all of it.

I hope everyone has a great 4th of July! ….