5 minute friday – goodbye
Five minute Friday we bloggers write for five minutes flat on Fridays.
We set a timer, throw caution to the winds and try to remember what it was like to just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.
write for 5 minutes, no back-drafting, no editing – today’s word is: Goodbye
Start: When I saw the word “goodbye” the first thing I thought about was how tough it was to let go of the 5 year old child that resided inside of me.
The 5 year old child that I held onto – her story, her pain, her truth, her beautiful spirit.
I have held onto the 5 year old child inside of me for a long long time. I held her close because all I knew how to do was to pretect her; protect myself in holing all that truth inside of what she endured.
Today I am releasing that truth. Today I am finding ways to let go more of “her” so I can see more of “me”.
It’s never easy to say goodbye to something that you have held onto for so long.
When you spend a lifetime protecting that child inside because of the abuse she went through; it’s heart breaking to think that you have to let that part of you go – to see the you that was growing inside all these years.
Letting go of someone that you hold inside is just as painful as someone dying in your life today. Letting go of the child inside of you is filled with grief and pain, sorrow and guilt, and a sadness I dont know how to explain.
What I do know is, although letting go is hard; it’s also healing. Letting go and saying goodbye to “her” is allowing myself to emerge and come to full truth about who I was, and who I want to be, and who I am today!
Saying goodbye to that part of me, is allowing myself to grow and learn, and it also allows me to grieve what I have been through. Grieving what I went through is a process of letting her go – it’s giving her life to being able to tell her truth, so she can die, so I can live.
The more and more I let her go and say goodbye to her pain, the more I am learning about myself every day in this journey to heal.
It’s hard and painful, but I find that I am becoming this new person that is filled with hope and love that I never allowed myself to see or feel before.
I have learned that under the 5 year old girl, is a woman who is 40, a woman who is filled and bursting with LOVE and I am finding ways to express it through connection with others who love me back for me and not for what they want from me.
sometimes saying goodbye is hard, but also saying goodbye means you are letting something else IN – and that is connection to others.
April 13, 2012 at 12:56 AM
Ohhh . . . I understand those good-byes and releasing that. It’s a hard work in process. I am reading an excellent book right now called, “Second Guessing God – Hanging on When you Can’t See His Plan”. This has been an amazing healing book – and he speaks of abuse some as well.
Blessings as you say good-bye to what God is going to turn into good.
April 13, 2012 at 12:59 AM
Thank you Loni! and thank you for reading my blog.. I really appriciate it so much! 🙂
April 13, 2012 at 1:24 AM
OH…I pray you continue to say good bye, especially when it means letting others in. Beautifully written. May God bless you.
April 13, 2012 at 7:16 AM
“What I do know is, letting go is hard, but it’s also healing” So true, Karen!
April 13, 2012 at 1:41 PM
thank you Eileen 🙂
April 13, 2012 at 11:48 AM
Karen, what a powerful post – you are so right, we do have to let go, to move forward, and it is hard, but I think and hope, and pray worth it. This is my first visit to your blog, and I am really inspired. Have a wonderful weekend. I am looking forward to visiting again.
April 13, 2012 at 1:42 PM
Thank you nics 🙂 I really appriciate that! means alot to me..
April 13, 2012 at 2:25 PM
Powerful, beautiful post. Letting go of protecting the little girl is hard. But the love and beauty that’s ahead is worth it, as you’ve begun to learn. Thanks for sharing.
April 14, 2012 at 9:06 PM
Nita.. Thank you.. thank you for stopping by my blog 🙂
April 13, 2012 at 3:06 PM
Visiting from the Gypsy Mama…thank you so much for your boldness and courage not only to share your heart with all of us, but work through the pain and say good-bye to the pain. In this sense, good-bye is healing. God is a God who turns what is broken into a masterpiece, and it sounds like He has only started that work with you. God bless today!! Praying for you as you continue to release this to our mighty Healer.
April 14, 2012 at 9:06 PM
Thank you Kariss for stopping by my blog.. I appriciate your kind words 🙂