31 days of reflection {day 28} in god’s time

I just read a story about a woman who was diagnosed with an aggressive brain cancer, and was given 6 months to a year to live.

In this diagnosis, she has made plans to take her life November 1st to avoid the lack of control she will have, and the progressiveness that this disease will have on her.

In reading this, I felt offended and I felt angry! “We don’t choose our death, God chooses our birth and God chooses are departure from this life – in his timing.

All may not believe in this, and I am sure some may disagree, but I truly believe that God has timing for us all – even in the most painful times of our lives.

Everyone suffers from pain! Some live with a lifetime of pain with no ending to that suffering and yet they live and some really fight because it’s God’s will.

It’s incredibly hard to see people suffer, just as much as it is to feel it, but God see’s us in all that pain – we may not feel it or believe it while we are going through it, but it’s here.

No, not everyone has a diagnosis of an inoperable brain caner with 6 months to live, but everyone has pain of some kind in their lives, but it’s not in our hands to end a life given to us so preciously by God.

I sit here and think about all the triggers, and the emotional suffering that I go through on a daily basis – the results of years of child sexual abuse I went through, and yet here I am still fighting that daily battle because somewhere deep inside, I know God has a bigger plan for me, and I am following that path he has given me.

I can’t shut off the anxiety and triggers I go through every day because of the life I lived being abused, it’s here and I fight to feel differently.

No it’s nothing compared to brain cancer – or is it? I have learned that no one pain is greater than another.. pain is pain, we all feel it! Hurt is hurt, suffering is suffering and we all go through some kind of hardship in our lives, but it doesn’t give us the right to end our life because of it.

This woman has a website up to where she has been given money to knock off all her bucket list wishes before she ends her life on November 1st, and I am appalled – I’m sorry but I don’t see any grace in that at all – not at all!

I think Grace is about living the life that is here and honoring all that life has given us BAD and GOOD.

Suffering didn’t stop God from being sacrificed for our sins – He suffered for us so that we would have this life, but in that life comes suffering and pain – but he never leaves us alone in it.

Isaiah 30:18 says “But God’s not finished, he’s waiting around to be gracious to you. He’s gathering strength to show mercy to you. God takes the time to do everything right. Those who wait around for him, are the lucky ones.”

There is so much truth in that verse! This woman who plans to take her life may be missing out on the best of what God has to offer her! She will never know if she takes this into her own hands.

I am sure everyone has felt a pain so bad that you wanted to end your life at some point, and I don’t think God blames us one bit for feeling that way out of our suffering! He knows our suffering – He feels our suffering. He’s been there.

I myself have suffered so much at one point that I just didn’t want to live the life anymore, or fight the fight of the battles I go through every day, but in that I see God’s love and strength for me!

I see the strength he gives me to see the messages he wants me to see. I would miss out on that if I ever gave into the depths of that pain.

I see the connection that God gives me in the very times I need it. That is God and his work in the hardship I suffer at times… but that is what God is here for – to give us strength in those moment of hardship and questionable worthiness.

I have also read that she may change her mind.. but the mere thought that she even  planned this, just makes me angry tonight as I sit here thinking about all the suffering that people go through and still fight the hard fight!

People with cancer and painful diseases who have no way out but to hold on tight!

We all suffer, we all have pain that is unbearable at times, but it’s not our choice, it’s God timing and it’s up to us to trust that God will give us strength and love to move through the hard times that are right in front of us.

We do have the choice to heal and to learn from it and to learn how to hold onto God’s grace and trust he will give us love where we don’t feel loved, or to trust that God will give us strength in the weakness, and feed us hope when we feel hopeless.

That is living! That is what God gave us and by us living and fighting for what he has given us, we are honoring the suffering and sacrifices he made for us.

Live the life God has given to you . . honor it – pain and all. Let God be in charge of when your called to be out of the suffering – because of the love he has for us all.

*please know that this is truly how I feel, and although many may disagree with me, this is how it made me feel tonight reading this – being a victim of knowing what pain feels like*