31 Days {Day 23} Finding New Trust

It has taken me a very long time to accept that I have an inner young child within me; an inner child that everyone has, only mine is stuck and has been stuck since she was 5 years old!

Stuck in the old messages, stuck in the old feelings, stuck in the old fears and disconnection. Stuck in the world where “no one is safe” “nothing is safe” and “everyone lies and hurts“.

This year has been a lot of accepting of that inner young child work that I have been doing in therapy, and I can finally say “I do have a young inner child”.

The moment I became accepting to this, it became easier to see and feel when the young part in me hears old messages and lies; those lies that stop me (the adult me) from being who I need to be.

I have been working very hard to change those old messages, listen to them, hear them, be with the fear that the young inner child is feeling and working with that by replacing it with truth and a safe connection.

Not always easy, and sometimes very painful – but she’s getting there.

This past Thursday in session, I finally began feeling like the younger inner child is finally having this big trust for my therapist – after 8 years of work together, I think the young part is finally beginning to trust the process of the work we do, and trusting my therapist and the connection he offers and the words he speak

This is a big deal!!!!

A lot of times the young inner child within me really puts messages in my head that are really hard to battle sometimes. There will be times when I want to take steps, but something won’t allow me, and I am finally realizing it’s the younger me holding onto old messages and lies and steering my course to healing – when I the adult me wants to move forward!

Its a constant battle

My therapist has told me many times that everyone has an inner child, only some people have an inner child who has grown up along side of the adult they have become. Sometimes that inner child will show up in the fun side of the adult we can be – the adult who wants to play or be funny, or just wants to BE!

My inner child doesn’t know what its like to be loved, cared for, playing and having fun, enjoying being a kid! She only knew the abuse, the lies, the fear and abandonment! She stopped growing and got stuck inside those fears while I grew up NUMB and afraid to connect with others.

Until 8 years ago, when I got the help I knew I needed!!

Today, even after 8 years, it’s still a hard process, but one that is becoming easier to journey. I am slowly noticing the difference between messages I hear that are from the past vs messages I hear from the truth today. It’s a process that takes time.

I felt something Thursday when hearing my therapist talk about something and there was a quiet joy inside, it was “her listening and not battling me with the old messages… she allowed me to hear and even believe which was SO different!

It didn’t stop from old messages getting in the way the next day or even today, but you know what? that one moment of that inner child just allowing me to stop, listen, and hear truth while allowing me to feel connection in a hug that I could feel and trust from my therapist was GOOD and was REAL and it’s something to hold hope in!

It Begins!

the journey has taken a new turn and I am excited yet scared about what is next.