11 years to connection

It all began with a touch to the finger that started this “now 11-year” journey in therapy. Today I have found what connection truly means not only to others, not only to my story but to myself.

Today marks 11 years I have been in therapy with my therapist Andy and I can’t even begin to express how truly honored and blessed I am to be working side by side with one of the most caring and kind-hearted people I have ever come to meet.

When I began this journey in therapy I walked in with already one foot out of the door; sitting in the chair closest to the door just in case I wanted to run. Today I sit side by side, sometimes shoulder to shoulder, on the same couch with my therapist. Trust is not even a wonderment in our work, it’s now a staple in our work, and we continue to use that trust as way to be more open to the steps.

Andy has taught me so much about connection which began with his fingertip touching mine to show me that this journey begins with trust and safe touch, and trust is what these 11 years have been about.
He has helped me to see that I am worthy of connection and that I can trust others if I allow myself to accept that I am worthy of love and connection.

Therapy is hard hard work! I have gone through many hard moments in the process of our work. There have been some ruptures, some disconnection, but unlike the people of my past and unlike the abuse I endured, I was still loved and cared for in those ruptures. We NEVER gave up on the hard work or each other in this process.

I am truly blessed for this journey I am on. I am still learning, I am still finding ways to heal the hurt and pain that resides deep within. The difference is, Now I am learning on different levels, and that is another thing my therapist has taught me on this journey; that healing happens on different levels of where we are on our journey.

I have learned so much from him and still do, and recently he shared with me that he learns just as much from me as I do him and that would have been something I would have never believed 11 years ago, but today I truly believe I can be and take up good space in others lives as well; even my therapist.

I continue this amazing journey as I am in the process of writing my book and taking my big steps back out into my life after a hard couple of years. I am honored for this journey.

I want to end this blog writing with a few thoughts right to my therapist, and I want to say:

“Andy, you are truly an amazing therapist, an amazing person I have come to know these past 11 years. You have truly changed my life and helped me to see the light in the darkness and to find connection out of the disconnection from the pain of the past. I am so blessed to be on this journey with you. Thank you for being that person the little girl in the closet prayed about when I was just 5 years old, I couldn’t have come this far without you and our work, much love to you”

For those reading this, I want to say to you “keep on your journey, don’t give up and trust that connection is also worthy for you as well, you just have to accept it.