trusting commitment. . .
Something that I have slowly learned to trust over the years is “commitment”. I never knew what it was, or how to trust and accept a commitment. It’s been foreign to me for years and years.
This morning in therapy my therapist and I did a “pinkie swear” – a commitment to stay true and grounded, that were followed by the words “we will move through this together” with commitment and trust, trusting the process of healing.
It gave me hope, it gave me a sense of worth that someone is committed to helping me see my path as I see it, that I dont have to do this alone and that my path is laid out for me with room for others to walk with me.
It gave me a sense of trust today that someone is committed to seeing that I am being honored as a person; a person who wants to be strong and heal, that respects the path I am on with all it’s bumps and detours.
I had a lot of tears this morning in session; more commitment to myself to be true to my emotions no matter how much I hate emotions and tears, but it was there inside and I honored it.
This is a hard place – commitment to myself, others from my past, and to my therapist in trusting his word in my healing.
Commitment works both ways. 5 years ago I committed myself to healing; to do whatever it takes to move through the trenches of my past, the pain and the hurt. I made a commitment to myself to push through whatever walls I built since I was 5 years old. I guess you would have to say I did a “pinkie swear” with myself.
There are times I let myself down. I build walls where I don’t need to build walls that prevent me from being authentic in my commitment to heal. However, the important part is, I realize when I am building walls, I reach out for support, and accept the commitment back to me.
One thing that I sometimes do in therapy when I get flustered and filled with emotions is, I will say to my therapist “ask me a question”.. He knows when I say that, that it means I need to get something out, but not sure how to get it out.
He asked me 3 questions, and the weird thing is? He asked “the right” questions. It was just what I needed to get out – that is the commitment of trusting and healing. I trusted to ask the question, and committed to answering back.
Today I left hearing those 5 words “We can talk about anything” – “You can talk about anything”.
Today, I am going to take some time to think about how to honor me this week. How can I make room for me and move through this with grace, and perseverance; to get back on my path which can hold room for both.
I was shown again today that the commitment stands true… and I trust it.
March 26, 2012 at 1:18 PM
Hi Karen – I love this write up about commitment. It’s hard to trust and to commit to.
Thank you for this help today
March 26, 2012 at 4:15 PM
Hi Shannon! you are so welcome! I liked this writing today too.. commitment, connection, trust, faith – they all go hand in hand …
Thank you for always reading my blogs
March 26, 2012 at 3:12 PM
Hi There Karen – my name is MIchelle and I just wanted to say that we all love your blog here at Deveaner Resource group recovery. We have read alot of your writings and you have truly helped us out in group therapy. We have used your blogs of healing, and we all want to say thank you. We also sent you an email as well.
Blessings to you and your healing
March 26, 2012 at 4:16 PM
Hi Michelle and thank you to ALL that read my blog from the group – WOW! I am speecheless! thank you so much from the bottom of my heart and I am so glad that my healing is helping others
WOW I am really humbled!
March 26, 2012 at 4:08 PM
commitment is a powerful acceptance in therapy. I love the “pinkie swear”.. I can picture that for some reason! that is such a great theraputic process of trusting.
It IS about you Karen, and I hope you can find strength through that. It’s not easy to honor others when trying to heal.
I think you are moving through this as you should. I am praying for you
March 26, 2012 at 4:18 PM
Hanna – LOL it was kind of funny! we have certain little things we do to remind each other of trust and connection.. that is what trust in the therapy room is all about!
Thank you for your comments. It’s good to hear someone else say this is what I need to be doing.
March 26, 2012 at 4:10 PM
I wish I could see commitment as strong as you do. just started therapy a year ago and I am just working through showing up to my sessions. I love your stories thank you
March 26, 2012 at 4:18 PM
lennette – keep plugging away at therapy, keep moving through it.. it will come 🙂 .. good for you for finding your way into healing! and thank you for reading my blog 🙂 I really appriciate it