and this is just how I feel . . . .

Today, I am sad – just sad. It’s one of those days that tears find me no matter where I am, and it’s just an emotion that is here today.

I don’t think I have ever allowed myself to write on my blog when I am sad, or having a hard time.

I normally write when I am filled with optimism, or when I have worked through something hard that I want to share with everyone. I hardly share my hardness, my tears or my sadness with anyone, especially those who may look up to my strength – and today is a first.

I like to write when I am strong, and have a good sense of what is around me – but today, I am sad, and it’s just a sad day and my heart feels heavy, and I am writing about it, and maybe that is okay.

It wasn’t anything in particular that made me sad. I wasn’t triggered into feeling sad, or had a memory that made me sad.

It wasn’t anything that happened in my healing in therapy, in fact everything is going really wonderful in therapy between me and my therapist, and I am looking forward to the work we are doing on this new path.

It’s nothing here at home, my kids and husband are great, it’s just one of those days that I find myself sad and teary.

Normally, I wouldn’t allow myself to be in this emotion long enough for it to be okay; I would find ways to move out of it as quick as I could by working harder, or coming up with more wisdom on how to find the answer around it.

I normally would find something wisdom filled to write about on this blog to help OTHERS which always makes me feel better, but today, I am the one sad, and for once I don’t have an answer, but instead to just BE.

Maybe I dont need to know why, maybe I just need to honor what is here, and know I am supported, loved and cared for by all my support and it’s okay to have a day where I am just sad!

I work extremely hard in my healing everyday! I am filled with optimism and constantly find ways to find empowerment over my struggles; but yet I never allow myself to be in the emotions that come along in that hard work.

So today I will sit here and allow myself to be sad. I will talk to my support when we connect by phone later, I will connect with my husband and kids and tell them “hey, mom is having a hard day and I dont have the strength to be the strong mom or wife today”

Maybe I will write about it like I am now.

Maybe I will maybe make myself a hot cup of cocoa; maybe even cuddle on the couch later and allow myself to rest.

Today I am not going to force myself out of the emotions like I normally would do – instead I will honor it and know that I can talk about it when and if I need to, and that no matter if I am feeling weak or strong, I am loved and care for and still connected to all those around me.

 

3 comments

  1. There is something in the essence of your post that is so parallel to what I’ve posted about at my blog this morning. So much of what you wrote is exactly how I’m feeling.

    When I notice uncomfortable feelings, my first and immediate reaction is mental and/or to do something to flee from or change the feeling.

    Lately I’ve been more willing to let be what I’m feeling and BE with it. Not needing to know why, not needing to change it….Instead focusing on how to honor and respect what I feel. Trusting that understanding will come in time.

    Your blog has a grace to it that is soothing to my soul. Thanks for sharing yourself.

    1. Hi Gel :) …

      Thank you so much.. I am so glad that my blog is soothing … I have to say you just made me smile and my heart smile.

      you know, being a victim of abuse, I have learned to control my feelings, and we do that as victims to create safety, and it’s a hard hard habit to break. We have been a victim of “figuring it out” for so long that we don’t know how to just BE, because it was never safe to “BE”..

      I am going to head over to your blog now and read what you wrote :)

      Thank you for your nice comment.. it really did make me smile, and I am sorry your having a tough day today too..

      your not alone

      Karen

  2. Karen, this was the most BEAUTIFUL post I have ever read by you, WHY? because it’s authentic and real, and for once you are reaching out and saying “I am having a hard day, and I need support”.

    Your blog is always written with grace, and you are always helping others to know they are not alone, and now it’s our turn to say “you are not alone, and you are loved very much”

    Hanna

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