I showed up thinking I would walk into therapy, talk about my past, and I would be healed and ready to walk back out into the world with softer wounds, and a lighter heart – – in a fantasy world maybe, but in reality its a lot harder than what it seems.
I have learned that in this process of healing, you need to take many many paths, and sometimes you have to go back and re-walk the steps and paths you have already taken; but on a different level of understanding.
I have learned that Therapy is not only about telling your story, but it’s about telling the story 3, 4 and 5 times over, because as you grow and heal, there are many different levels to what telling your story does to healing wounds.
Every path I have taken has been worth every hard step! There is this quote that I love because it has so much meaning to this process:
“When you can tell the story of your past, and it no longer brings up any pain, you know you have healed” Iyanla Vanzant
There is so much truth to this quote, because I have come to a place where I can openly talk about the sexual abuse and rape I endured as a child, and I no longer curl up into isolation.
That is when I know the path to healing is doing its job, and the steps are steps to a place of healing, and not steps of walking in place.
Therapy and the healing path is not only about telling the story, but it’s about connection and finding a new connection to yourself and those around you.
It’s about healing the child within that was stuck at the time of abuse; the inner child that holds those wounds and keeps the adult part of me from living the life that I need to live.
It’s about telling the story to yourself and growing the child up inside and loving and caring the inner child that was hurt and abused.
It’s about learning how to connect with others, and finding safety in people besides looking for the bad in everyone because of the bad that was done to me.
It’s about learning how to find trust in others, and learning how to love myself and stop punishing myself for the past which was not my fault.
It’s also about building a better relationship with God and learning that he was by your side and never left you!
8 years later and I am still walking the paths of my healing. Never did I think I would be in therapy for 8 years, but I have also learned to accept that healing takes time, and I am worthy of that time – however long it takes to continue moving into the life that God intended for me.
It’s a daily process; a process that is worth every step is takes.
I am healing and continue to heal, and today I have taken this healing as way to use my voice in writing, and as a way to connect with others and show others “you can use your voice, and healing CAN happen no matter how many different roads to get there”.
no matter how many roads there are to healing (good and bad, hard and easy) those roads all lead to a place of healing.