I was telling him how I planned to go to confession tomorrow morning at church; not so much to confess sins that I hold, but it’s a process of allowing myself to be seen and heard, and how the process alone is cleansing.
He agreed with me and also added that when we sin, or use judgement against God, it’s not so much we sin, but more so we put distance between us and God, and how confessing our sins is more about bringing us closer to God.
So much Wisdom in that … I never looked at it that way before. I don’t think that God looks down on us marking off our sins against him, I believe what my therapist says .. I believe our poor choices and bad judgments puts distance between us and God and God wants us to be close to him.
There are many times I feel God is far away from me, but only through my thoughts and choices does it put distance between me and God.
I believe God is here with us at all times, it’s up to us to not turn our back towards him, and when we allow ourselves to be seen, it’s when God truly shows himself to us.
I find great comfort in talking about my faith and God in session with my therapist. I don’t talk about God with anyone, I hold it close to me, but he is the one person I can open up to about my faith, my fears and my relationship with God, and today he really helped me to see something I never saw before. It’s not about confessing, it’s about bringing the space between God and I closer in times where I tend to turn my back towards him for whatever reasons.
I sometimes get angry when I feel God is not listening or feel him near. I have learned over time that if you just wait patiently, he will show up in some form – whether that be through another person, a sign, or just something happening to show me he is here working hard in my life.
So, tomorrow I will go to confession and keep in mind that is not about the little things I am letting go of to be heard and seen, but it’s more about creating less distance between God and to not turn my back when I question his presence.
God has played a huge part of my healing path… he has shown up in big ways, and he has also been here in quietness, and sometimes I just need to be patience when the quietness is here knowing that he is not turning his back on me, he is just creating less distance through what he feels is good for me.
I’m blessed to have a therapist that truly is open to hear my thoughts about God and my faith … and he says the best prayers that bring hope and comfort… BOTH of which was very helpful for me during this tough week.