The past couple of weeks I have been experiencing very strong, vivid dreams and memories of my past when I was a little child, and it’s been incredibly hard to sit with these memories that have come to me in my sleep. I have written before about “crying wake up’s” that I experience once in a while – dreaming and then waking up crying out of my sleep. Well, its happening again only now it’s happening along with very vivid and strong memories of my past. The moment I wake up with a dream like this, I try and grab…
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One of my favorite things to do before bed is to pick a prayer from the bible and find meaning in it that pertains to my healing, and how I can grow and move through it with more strength. Tonight, as I snuggled up in bed under the blankets, I picked up the “gather book” that I got from the church. I read from Psalms which has always been my favorite of all readings in the bible, and what I read tonight was: PSALMS 16:11 – You will show me the path to life. Fullness of joys in your presence, the delights…
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“You can talk about anything”. Those 5 words are the words that my therapist reminds me of almost on a daily basis – through connection and support. I have come to love those 5 words! I have come to accept those 5 words, I sometimes look forward to those 5 words, and better yet, I have learned to trust those 5 words. When I hear those 5 words it gives me an opening to freedom I never had. I was silenced as a child, I never thought I could open up about what was going on inside, or to talk about…
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When I am dealing with too much than I can handle, I turn to old habits like building walls; emotional walls, like electric fences and barbwire’s! Those walls served a great purpose in the past. It kept people out, and kept me from leaning in. It kept people at bay from me, and kept my emotions caved in. It provided me a soft cusion, and kept me safe. It pushed even the good people away; while I survived it alone, day after day! The walls were the only thing I had my whole life. Years of therapy has helped me take…
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I wasn’t sure if I was going to write about this or not. However, I have always said, “this blog is about healing, and it’s about truth; It’s about my journey going forward”. Every entry I post is one step closer to my true self. Everyday I try and remind myself that every truth spoken, is another foothold to the next. So with that being said – I faced a difficult question that has been pressing me for a very very long time. A question that I have been utterly afraid to ask and talk about; and know the answer…