It took me a long long time to really feel comfortable in the therapy room when I started therapy 6 years ago. I remember my first steps into the therapy room and how scared I was. I sat in the leather chair with one foot out the door, and now years later, it’s a room filled with my story, and my healing; a place where I am accepted, supported, loved and heard fully. I am in that space 4 days a week with Tuesday being 2 hours, you would have to say it’s like another little home for me; home to my…
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I had big anger in session yesterday! I didn’t plan it, I didn’t really see it coming, but then again anger has been at the surface for a while now; it was just a matter of time before it found it’s way out to be heard, seen and felt. When I think of anger I think about holding onto a rope with a beast of some kind at the other end pulling and dragging me and not being able to get control of the rope. Anger is something I struggle with. I avoid it, swallow it, and find every way…
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When I walked into therapy almost 6 years ago, never did I think it would be years and years of work and that I would be in this place 6 years later. I thought I would walk into this mystery place of healing, talk about my story, find out what was wrong with me, find a way to heal and away I go into the world where I came from – with just a little less walls and pain. Here I am, 6 years later and I am discovering more and more about how deep my wounds were or still are. I…
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It’s not easy to let go of something; especially when I feel so strongly about my convictions! It took me years of therapy and a lot of work to learn how to stand to something that is right and true when I have been wronged or hurt. I never knew how to stand up for my rights, or to anyone in my life before. I never knew how to allow myself anger when I felt anger. I never knew how to allow myself emotions when something has hurt me- and I did! Learning how to own all of these things…
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I felt strong in session today as I stood and sat with my therapist honoring my anger. I was reminded today that my anger is right, and belongs to where it belongs, and not with me. Part of working in therapy has been about building that strong foundation to stand on. A foundation where I can have all those emotions and still be strong enough to stand. I have been going through a particular hard time with a certain situation and I realized today that, when dirt is thrown at you, and you feel that you are about to throw…
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Tonight I am sitting here and things are becoming clearer. I feel more connected tonight than I have in weeks. I always have believed that “connection” is what serves a great path to my healing. Today I was reminded of that connection. I was reminded that nothing has changed in this hard place I was in. Nothing has changed in the support, care or love – it’s there, I just need to accept it and have trust in it. Sometimes I need to be reminded when I get lost in the hardness. I have realized over the years in therapy…
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One of my favorite things to do before bed is to pick a prayer from the bible and find meaning in it that pertains to my healing, and how I can grow and move through it with more strength. Tonight, as I snuggled up in bed under the blankets, I picked up the “gather book” that I got from the church. I read from Psalms which has always been my favorite of all readings in the bible, and what I read tonight was: PSALMS 16:11 – You will show me the path to life. Fullness of joys in your presence, the delights…
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Since being in therapy, I truly believe that emotional healing plays a huge factor in physical healing. I also believe and have learned that emotional stress also leads to physical stress – they go both hand in hand. I was born with a heart condition called “Bicuspid Aortic Valve”. I didn’t know I was born with this condition until I was rushed to the hospital in AFIB (Atrial Fibrillation) back in 2004, which I have to say was the scariest moment of my life, and a turning point in my physical healing as well. When I was a child I always…
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When I am dealing with too much than I can handle, I turn to old habits like building walls; emotional walls, like electric fences and barbwire’s! Those walls served a great purpose in the past. It kept people out, and kept me from leaning in. It kept people at bay from me, and kept my emotions caved in. It provided me a soft cusion, and kept me safe. It pushed even the good people away; while I survived it alone, day after day! The walls were the only thing I had my whole life. Years of therapy has helped me take…