fearless emotions – take 2!

Much like Saturday morning, emotions found me when waking up – I felt frustrated and the question that played over and over in my head was “what is going on??” What is going on? I have been so strong for 2 months! I have had this over powering energy and I have been running full force into the light of my own path – what is going on!!?? Why are these emotions showing up out of nowhere? I moved through it this morning, and I also felt okay into the day. Driving to my session later on, I felt a little something stirring, but I felt stronger (or was I trying too hard to play the act of being too strong?) I walked into session; put my bag down on the chair closest to the door, and the FLOOD CAME!! Reached over for my therapist and out came the tears, the words, and all the emotions that were sitting at the surface since my last face to face with my emotions. The emotions that came on; barely made it past […]

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room for more goodness…

Yesterday in session we talked a little about this weekend and what connection looked like. We talked about what it would look like to write about something that wasn’t work, but yet very uplifting and healing in a “resting” kind of way. This morning, I woke up to an email from my therapist, with connecting thoughts, reflecting words about the great hard work this past week has been about. Words with some goodness and some thoughts about our work and going forward, and also wanting to know how my Saturday morning was. It was very uplifting – but then, sitting at my desk, I looked out the window for a moment, and I just CRIED! I cried, and I had no idea where in the world the tears came from! It was as if this email I got this morning hit the “release valve button” and out came feelings I didn’t even realize I had this morning – almost like what happened this past Tuesday. I woke up, feeling strong! I got 12 hours of sleep last night, fell asleep once the storms calmed down, with laptop in my lap (working on a blog […]

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the sunspots . .

I have had this story in drafts for months! I have waited for the perfect time to share this part of my story. Tonight it feels right – tonight I post another part of my story. Tonight it feels right on the heels of writing something so hard last night – to now write about something so graceful. There are only 3 people in my life who know about the “sunspots” story from my childhood, and what that means to me even today as an adult. The only 3 people who truly hold this close to their heart as a part of my story, is my therapist, my dear friend Tracy, and GOD. I have never opened up about this before. It was so sacred to me, that I never shared it with my own kids, or my husband. I don’t think anyone could possibly understand the depths of what this meant to me as a child, and how it saved my life. This is where I “met God”. I think the reason I have never really shared the full […]

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the fear of emotions

Before leaving my session today, my therapist said to me, “either you are going to write the best blog you have ever written because of today, or you won’t be able to find the words”. It was that big! He was right about both. I at first couldn’t find the words, and now, as I sit with today, it’s all coming to me in a way that I have never been more present than I am now. Today I felt emotions so big; that eventually it slowly melted away the fear I have had towards emotions for a very long time. I didn’t just cry and have tears behind a wall or that wall of fear, I truly had emotions and felt every single drop of a tear. It was the kind of tears that left me with splotchy cheeks, puffy eyes, a red nose, and a feeling of complete exhaustion! Today I cried and  felt true emotions, and also came relief that I never expected. Today was my longer session that I have on Tuesdays. On my way in, I knew […]

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