As I sit here writing, putting words to this blog, it feels weird as I haven’t written in so long – – but at the same time it feels familiar. I took a backseat to my writing and many other things this past year, but the one thing I didn’t take a backseat to was my healing, and continuing to fight and put one foot in front of the other. For the past year or so, I went through emotional and physical isolation, I pushed away my writing, I pushed away people who I was once close to, I pushed away things that really defined who I was. I pushed away out of fear – – but what I have learned the most these past couple of months is, those things I pushed away and backed away from, never went away – that my writing, and those people who love and care for me are right here waiting as I continue to take steps forward and out. My therapist and I have worked so incredibly hard this past year, and […]
9 years – My Place of Healing
This month, this week, this year marks 9 years on this amazing journey of therapy and healing. This is my place of healing, the room that holds the story, the pain, the joy, the truth of so many things I kept hidden inside me for 30+ years. This is a photo of my therapy room, the room I stepped into 9 years ago and began my healing journey with an amazing therapist who has guided me into the life I never thought I could live. 9 years ago I began this journey with one foot out the door out of fear, and today I claim this room as the place of my healing and the place that has changed my life, and has healed so many open wounds. I have sat in every chair in this room – made my way around the room in anger, tears, laughter, joy, excitement and many other feelings and emotions that I have had through the years! The room [ . . . . . ]
walking thru many changes
As I sat in session yesterday, There was a moment I made a strong eye contact with my therapist when he asked me a hard question, and in that moment I felt a trust I have never felt even in the 8 1/2 years I have worked with my therapist on this healing journey. I felt this newness in me, I felt like the young part (in that moment) let go of all the old messages and all the old fears and just allowed TRUST to be present and I felt heard, and I felt supported, and I felt a letting go in that moment – another change on this journey. There have been so many changes going on inside of me the past couple of months. Some are noticeable, and some are only ones that can be felt and seen by me’ changes that only I can experience that have no words to explain. One of the biggest changes is the work in therapy and the connection I have been able to hold onto – even from the younger […]
thinking back – looking forward
As I look back on this past year, it was a very hard year for me on so many levels! But it has also been one of the most connecting and self changing years on my healing journey. It began with the death of my mom last January 6th 2015, which set the stage for the beginning of a very hard year for me. I was already struggling with self isolation from many things that happened a couple of years ago, and in that hard work of trying to move out of the isolation, adding my moms death was just another reason to pull back even more. But then there is my healing journey, my work in therapy and the amazing work my therapist and I have done this past year has been absolutely amazing! As we sat in therapy Tuesday, my therapist and I did a lot of reflecting back and forth about the good work we have done, and how blessed we both are for each other and the strong bond we re-built over this past year, and […]
the temporary path – the road less traveled
I have always viewed my healing journey, my healing path as a road that goes forward with a few detours on the side. There are times I am going straight on the path, and there have been times when out of no-where, I was detoured off my path – and OH how frustrating can that be! Or maybe it doesn’t have to be a frustrating struggle; rather seen and looked at as a path less traveled to heal bigger wounds. Maybe instead of seeing these struggles as detours, maybe its more of a temporary path to – where I can breathe a little; getting to understand my footpath a little better. The past week or so I have really struggled with connection and feeling grounded to self and those around me and I have felt so frustrated about it. “Why am I projecting?” “why am I struggling to be connected to those around me?” “why do I feel so disconnected?” .. I haven’t felt like this in such a long time and boy does it feel horrible! But as I […]
accompishment and celebration
Today was about accomplishment and celebration in my healing. Today was one of my favorite days in this journey I have been on; regardless of still feeling sad and weak. For years in my healing, when I have gone through something hard to the point of feeling really weak and I don’t want to admit it – I tend to run off, hide and lick my own wounds. Sometimes, I care so much about my damn independence that I won’t let people help when I feel REALLY weak. I have gone into disconnection because of it in the past, and that sometimes leads to “tension” in my work, and the people around me. I also tend to get very defensive when I am not feeling as strong. I will try and make people mad with me so that they won’t have to support me in my “rougher moments”. I tend to feel guilty when I feel weak and have the need for support, so I run and rather take care of it on my own. The feeling of need scares me, and sometimes I […]
giving myself voice..
When I first started this blog last year, it began in little thoughts. I started off using the “photo” to tell the story of what I was writing, and then slowly it became writing the story, and finding a photo to help tell the story. As I continued to write and be inspired by a couple of people, I noticed more and more that my voice was being heard, and my stories were longer and more authentic to how I was feeling inside. In the past 2 months I have noticed that my voice is getting stronger and stronger. My feelings are sitting at the surface and I am using that as a tool to put my voice out there to be heard. Today’s blog writing I am inspired by one of my mentors “Keith Jennings” who’s blog topic was “finding your voice”. Today in session I had small emotions here and there, but today was about talking. Today was about talking through my heart and my soul – just like I write. Today I talked for 2 hours and had […]
building a firm foundation
I love this quote. I love this quote because it stands out for those who are healing from their past. I love this quote because it’s strong and stands true! This isn’t only made to be said for woman, but men also! I think about my own healing when I read this quote. It’s the same thing as “opening up a wound, and healing it closed with truth”. Each wound opened and healed, is another wound they no longer have control over. People who suffer from trauma can take the bricks that were thrown at them, and build a stronger foundation with those bricks to move forward in your own path. Each one of those bricks is the way to your healing; to wholeness in finding your true self. I got an email from someone yesterday and it has stuck with me all day today. It’s amazing how many people out there who suffer trauma from their past. It’s amazing how many people out there who are brave enough to take those bricks that were thrown at them, and build […]