it’s so hard to care . . .

Tonight I am writing this blog and giving thanks to my therapist Andy who has truly given me the vision and encouragement to write about something that is so hard to write. I was reminded that  “The truth will set you free”  no matter how hard or how bad it feels inside. This entry is actually one of the hardest, and I am thankful that I was given the strength to help write it. I have started this entry, I have deleted it, started over, I have edited, and I have stopped and I have cried. I have shut the computer, I have walked away, came back to it, had more tears, deleted more, added more! and here I am. This quote speaks truth to my writing tonight and that is – “To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.” This photo above reminds me of my mom. It reminds me of the one time that my mom was a mom. It painfully reminds me of what could have been, and what is […]

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lifted and restored…

I woke up this morning and felt like I could breathe a little easier. I felt a sense of goodness like I am in the right place, and that what happened yesterday in “being with my emotions” was what needed to happen. I always talk to my therapist about “waiting for the day to be done this journey in healing”. Waiting for the day that I come in maybe once a month to check in, or waiting for the day that I am on my own path knowing that I am fully healed and I am fully ”restored”. There have been times that I would sit there and say “by the end of the year I want to be done therapy, I want my own path, I want to be healed and move onto the next chapter in my life, no matter where life takes me. Yesterday, I actually listened within, and listened to my therapist when he said “we need to slow down and honor what is here”. I always want to keep going, and keep running to the […]

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gathering strength to move forward

This morning, when I woke up to get ready for church, I had a text on my phone from my support, and one of the things said, was: “I wanted to take a moment to remind you that in a place of taking a break from the flow of powerful, you are gathering more strength to move forward” I sat with that for a few moments and wow! That was pretty powerful words, and I have to admit, came at a perfect time. Last night I had an emotional conversation with my sister on the phone about the past. We really touched some hard moments. It was a sister moment that left some really intense emotional feelings – for the both of us. When I woke up this morning, I felt this heaviness – until I saw the text. It reminded me that this weekend was about “honoring how I feel, and being with those feelings; not trying to work against it. I was also reminded that I don’t always have to be so strong all the time, and that […]

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