therapy helped me find my true self

When I began therapy almost 10 years ago, I was scared! I was vulnerable, I was unsure of what the process would be. I was afraid to let someone else into the part of my life I had locked up deep within for a very long time. But I took that step 10 years ago, and I took that step because it was something I needed to do for me – for that scared locked up little girl inside that never had a voice to speak without consequences. I was told by “other people of my past” that going to therapy wasn’t going to help – that all therapy was about was paying someone to listen to my problems, and that talking about my past would be digging myself a hole I would never be able to get out of. I was even told that I would be abandoned in the process, and if I took this step, no one would be there for me if I came back. I was told that once I took that step into therapy, […]

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continue; making my way back

As I sit here writing, putting words to this blog, it feels weird as I haven’t written in so long – – but at the same time it feels familiar. I took a backseat to my writing and many other things this past year, but the one thing I didn’t take a backseat to was my healing, and continuing to fight and put one foot in front of the other. For the past year or so, I went through emotional and physical isolation, I pushed away my writing, I pushed away people who I was once close to, I pushed away things that really defined who I was. I pushed away out of fear – – but what I have learned the most these past couple of months is, those things I pushed away and backed away from, never went away – that my writing, and those people who love and care for me are right here waiting as I continue to take steps forward and out. My therapist and I have worked so incredibly hard this past year, and […]

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the cure to healing is pain

Last weekend I was triggered by a memory/image from my past, and this trigger was one of the worst I have had in a very long time; the kind of trigger that pulls you from the now and throws you into a tailspin of fear, emotions from the past. Over time in my work in therapy I have learned that triggers and or memories are “information” not “emergencies” – that these feelings and thoughts are here to tell a story to heal, not to harm me. This trigger was a pretty big one, and its been hard to be present and connected to the now, when I feel I was thrown into my past. I have done a lot of praying around this as I haven’t felt much like myself since this trigger, and one of the things that I realized was – maybe sitting with this trigger, feeling this trigger, feeling my

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new blog look – a new path ahead

It has been about 5 years since I have redone the look of my blog. I feel my writing has suffered at a standstill, and my blog has suffered in that as well. I am taking many big steps and many big changes in my healing, in my life, in my self and this change was one of the big steps in reclaiming back my voice, and my writing! My writing, blog, and myself went through some hard trials a couple years ago which pulled me away from my blog and my writing out of fear. But what the past year has really shown me, and what I have come to realize is – my writing, my blog, and the people I connect to through my writing is [ . . . . ]

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thinking back – looking forward

As I look back on this past year, it was a very hard year for me on so many levels! But it has also been one of the most connecting and self changing years on my healing journey. It began with the death of my mom last January 6th 2015, which set the stage for the beginning of a very hard year for me. I was already struggling with self isolation from many things that happened a couple of years ago, and in that hard work of trying to move out of the isolation, adding my moms death was just another reason to pull back even more. But then there is my healing journey, my work in therapy and the amazing work my therapist and I have done this past year has been absolutely amazing! As we sat in therapy Tuesday, my therapist and I did a lot of reflecting back and forth about the good work we have done, and how blessed we both are for each other and the strong bond we re-built over this past year, and […]

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its a choice – my choice

Wednesday morning while driving into therapy, I was feeling a bit disconnected – I woke up not being sure I wanted to show up to session and be vulnerable to how disconnected I felt – I felt a bit quiet inside like emotions were right there at the surface . . . . . Then… 3 words came to my mind and into my heart – ITS A CHOICE! I have the choice to feel the way I am feeling! I have a choice to show up just as I am, and let my therapist connect with me and connect back! I have a choice to change anything that is going on inside of me! Tears began to well up, and emotions were really present! Those 3 words just hit my heart so strongly, and I knew it was a message from God in that moment! When I got to session, I could tell right away my therapist had this great energy about him. He was open and really gentle with his words, and his demeanor was soft. Even though […]

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31 Days {Day 24} breaking the silence

When I saw that the 31 day “WORD” for the Five Minute Friday challenge month was “silence” I just had to use the word as a part of my writing today! Breaking the Silence is what I stand for! I am a CASA for ATLANTA (Court Appointed Special Advocate). I am a court-appointed advocates for abused or neglected children in order to provide children with a safe and healthy environment in permanent homes. I AM FOR CHILD! I am the voice for the children who don’t have a voice, or anyone to stand for their voice. Not only do I work for CASA, but I work hard in my own healing by “breaking the silence” every day by using my voice to connect and talk about the wounds that once isolated me to silence! I am all about “breaking the silence” I stand for those who tell their story against those who abused and hurt them! I stand for those who have the courage to write their story and let their vulnerable self be seen so that others out there […]

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