I have woken up many times in the past week crying out of my sleep; literally crying with tears and all out of my sleep. I have written about this experience before and its something that I have gone through quite a bit in the past couple of years. This past week I have experienced this almost every other night and it has left me feeling emotionally drained! I have talked about it with Andy in therapy and he knows this has been something I have struggled with for years, but we never have put a secure understanding of why…
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I saw this quote last weekend and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since! This quote really opened my heart and my mind to so many things around me; especially looking back on this hard year I have had. The quote was this: “Our eyes are not just viewers they are also projectors that are running a 2nd story over the picture that we see in front of us all the time! Fear is writing that script, and the working title is “I will never be enough”. When I read that quote it was like something huge…
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In all the years I have been writing in this blog, never have I named the subject of the post the same as the name of the blog – but today it fits! I found a new kind of hope today. Today in session my therapist said something that latched onto something deep and it gave me tears so fast that we both wondered “where did the tears come from, and what do they mean?”. and I opened up…. I opened up about something today that gave both my therapist and I “a new kind of hope” going forward on…
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I had big anger in session yesterday! I didn’t plan it, I didn’t really see it coming, but then again anger has been at the surface for a while now; it was just a matter of time before it found it’s way out to be heard, seen and felt. When I think of anger I think about holding onto a rope with a beast of some kind at the other end pulling and dragging me and not being able to get control of the rope. Anger is something I struggle with. I avoid it, swallow it, and find every way…
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I struggle with the inner voice to my past everyday; the inner voice being the past beliefs of all that I was told, all that I believed, and all that I was abused into. Everyone has that little voice of reason inside of them, you know, It’s that gut feeling, or voice inside that allows us to weigh out hard decisions or choices. That inner voice that warns us that something doesn’t feel quite right, a second guess, a doubt, or a fear. Well imagine living with that every day – welcome to my life. For me, the inner voice…