learning to “heal” my inner child

“Your wounded inner child will never be healed by something from the outside but only by yourself, your own power and wisdom”

I have struggled for many years to even accept that I had an inner child. I struggled with the thought that the little girl I was still remains struck inside of me – wanting to be healed, loved and connected to.

I feared that if I accepted that part of me, that it would mean I was mentally ill, or I would be more damaged than I thought I would. I was afraid that I would be looked at weird by even mentioning “my inner child”.

It was a while back ago in therapy that my therapist shared with me that even he has an inner child – we all have an inner child. For some people their inner child is stuck in place – wounded – scared – filled with old messages that never allows the adult to grow in certain ways.

I have accepted and come to really embrace the inner child within – to learn and understand the difference between the old messages of the past vs. the truth of today.

The past couple of weeks, I have gently moved the child within forward with me – letting myself lead her to a new path of healing and understanding. Allowing her voice to be heard – but at the same time trusting my own self, my own voice, and my own wisdom – – showing her there is a trust and connection we can learn to accept without being hurt.

I have accepted to help bring forward and heal the younger me, not just accept that there is a younger me, but to help heal those wounds she holds and trust the process of letting myself lead, while understanding the hurts and fears that the younger child holds.

My therapist has really helped me to bring her forward so that I can help her – help me. Not pushing away her fears and feelings, but allowing them to be here. Allowing the hurts to tell a story and to heal from her voice.

I really came to understand something this past week (a week that was filled with a lot of hard things), that a part of taking steps out of this isolating place I have been in, is truly about allowing the inner young child to be here, let her be, let her voice be heard, let her fears be known, and allow myself to feel that.

It has changed me – allowing the young part to be present. It has changed me in a way that I am seeing things differently, and I am able to work through the fears I go through around many things – including taking steps when steps are needed.

I never realized just how much the inner child holds – the moment I accepted her, I could hear things a lot louder and clearer and understand why I am the way I am, because of her. . . . which helps me to understand what part of her needs healing.

EVERYONE has an inner child .. and like the quote says “Your wounded inner child will never be healed by something from the outside but only by yourself, your own power and wisdom

No one can heal the inner child but me, I can have support through it, and I can have help to love her, but only I can truly heal her wounds by loving her to healing and accepting who she is within.

“Be gentle, kind, and comforting to the inner child as we uncover and release the old negative messages within”

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the temporary path – the road less traveled

LESSPATHI have always viewed my healing journey, my healing path as a road that goes forward with a few detours on the side.

There are times I am going straight on the path, and there have been times when out of no-where, I was detoured off my path – and OH how frustrating can that be!

Or maybe it doesn’t have to be a frustrating struggle; rather seen and looked at as a path less traveled to heal bigger wounds.

Maybe instead of seeing these struggles as detours, maybe its more of a temporary path to – where I can breathe a little; getting to understand my footpath a little better.

The past week or so I have really struggled with connection and feeling grounded to self and those around me and I have felt so frustrated about it. “Why am I projecting?” “why am I struggling to be connected to those around me?” “why do I feel so disconnected?” .. I haven’t felt like this in such a long time and boy does it feel horrible!

But as I worked through my struggles today in not feeling so connected, I realized something! I realized that maybe this is the temporary path – not a detour. Maybe this is where God is telling me “hey, take this path for a while, you have been working so hard on this one path for months and months now, its time to take this path less traveled, take a seat on the rock and give yourself some time to breath and understand what is here, because for some reason, it’s here and it’s important to understand its presence.

If I don’t stop to pay attention to what is here, I may miss out on something so very important to heal.

As my therapist would say, this is where we slow down, pay attention, take time to really be with what is here – don’t run past it because it’s a struggle, slow down and look at the struggle.

Normally when we are up against a struggle or feel troubled, we are eager to run past it as fast as we can, because no one likes to feel disconnected – no one likes to feel troubled inside, so we do all we can to run past it as quick as we can to move to a more tangible feeling that we can handle.

But maybe that is where the wounds don’t heal. Maybe running past these  moments of struggle and disconnection only makes them come back even stronger!

The one thing I do know from being on this journey for 8 1/2 years now is, no matter how many detours or hard obstacles I have come up against on this journey, I have always met the path on the other side! The road I began will always continue to be there, me going off the path to a path less traveled doesn’t mean I am lost or have fallen off my path, it just means that somewhere in the healing, I will meet the path back up where I will be stronger and more knowing of the struggle that I faced.

So, as I sit here this evening feeling a little disconnected and frustrated that I don’t understand why I am feeling this disconnect I have been feeling the past week or so, I will look at this as the temporary path – the path that God paved for me so that I can slow down and heal whatever is here – a slower path to where I can gain some strength and understanding so that I can meet up and continue with the road I have ben journeying or so long!

These side roads are needed …. and I think I am finally beginning to understand that. Just because I had to take a side road off my path, doesn’t mean the path my journey is on has stopped, it continues just like me and this amazing road I continue to travel.

So I trust, and I gather my support with me along on this temporary path and I keep walking forward, slowing down to understand what is here and what needs to be healed, and allow myself to be the way I need to be on this path even if it means not being as strong – but being the ME I need to be.

So my path continues ……….

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projection and the battle within

08450c_4cb0c2cf6160474aa6a1dfb3648c934f.jpg_srz_p_220_176_75_22_0.50_1.20_0.00_jpg_srzProjection is something that I sometimes struggle with, and something I have really struggled with the past couple of weeks.

I am learning more and more about what projection is and why I struggle with it; how projection relates to me and my work in therapy.

I read a wonderful article written by Morgan Sontag called “Things are not as they appear“. She explains how Projection is a defense strategy in which you unconsciously defend yourself against unpleasant impulses or feelings by denying their existence in yourself, while attributing it to someone else.

Basically in a nut-shell, projection is “blame shifting” .. not something done purposely, but it’s done when we feel so badly about ourselves that we turn how we feel thinking others feel this way about us.

A great example: I walked into therapy last Monday morning and the energy in the room didn’t feel right, and immediately I began thinking my therapist was acting like his normal self,  that he didn’t want to be in connection with me, that he was mad about something, and I felt his mood was off – something wasn’t right! Well . . . . in “REAL” this is how I felt about myself. It had nothing to do with my therapist, his energy was fine, he was big and open and actually he was really happy to see me – it was my projection trying to blame shift it on him.

When I looked back at where these feelings began for me, I realized that I woke up that morning not feeling good about myself, I didn’t feel good about the connection, the energy I felt inside was really blah, I felt emotions at the surface, not loving myself at all, so when I got to therapy, instead of owning those feelings as my own, I projected them “blaming the bad energy on my therapist”.

This is what projection is!

When I realized this is what I was doing, I was able to connect to my therapist and talk about it.

We have worked a lot around projection in therapy and he knows when I am struggling with it.

But it’s also important to know that not all times we feel this way is projection, there are also times when others do own their own bad energy or disconnection. There are times I go into session and my therapist falls short of being there fully connected, or the energy is off due to him, not me. It’s the humanness of the therapist/client relationship.. we are all human..

Learning about when projection happens is important and something I have to work with.

I do the same thing here at home with my husband. When I am feeling down or I am struggling with myself and how I feel about myself, or I am feeling in a down angry mood, I will project that onto my husband thinking “whats wrong with him? why is he not in a good mood?” .. it’s not him at all, it’s me! I am the one struggling with these self feelings, and that is when I need to take a step back and figure out where the feelings are coming from.

Projection is tricky, especially if you’re in the middle of the projection, because you can’t tell if this is “whats really going on”, or “is this how I feel about myself!?”

The past week or so I have really struggled with connection to myself and others and some of that is projection. I am working on it, but at the same time, it’s not a really good feeling to feel disconnected.

Half the battle is trying to figure out, “is it projection”, or “is there disconnect?” My therapist is REALLY good at helping me with reminders of what is real, what is truth, what the connection is that he see’s, and then that helps me to tell the difference between “am I projecting” or “do I really feel there is something wrong with the other person”

….. more times than not, its me projecting. There have been a few times it really wasn’t me, it was the other person, but most of the time its a projection coming from something and that is where I need to really work on where this is coming from and why.

Projection is a real tricky thing, and it can really get in the way of connection. A great quote on projection is

“We do not see things the way they are, we see things the way we are”

I am a bit frustrated! I have had a hard couple of weeks with self connection, and connection with others, and I am really hoping that this week I can fine tune what is going on inside of me, and really get re-connected to self and others.

I think I know what is going on, and I have hope that I will work with it this week with my therapist, and I know he is open to really help and support me thru this hard disconnect I have been struggling with. He is amazing when it comes to working thru things like this, I have no doubt I will figure this out.

I see projection as a self  “TUG OF WAR” .. a battle you have with yourself.

The frustrating part in this is, I haven’t felt this way in a long long long time.. so I am curious as to what is going on, and I am ready to work with it and figure it out!

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