feelings of anger

I had big anger in session yesterday! I didn’t plan it, I didn’t really see it coming, but then again anger has been at the surface for a while now; it was just a matter of time before it found it’s way out to be heard, seen and felt. When I think of anger I think about holding onto a rope with a beast of some kind at the other end pulling and dragging me and not being able to get control of the rope. Anger is something I struggle with. I avoid it, swallow it, and find every way possible to move away from it. Anger is a hard emotion for me to feel, accept or even talk about. I am angry, and I have a right to be. I woke up yesterday morning and thought about this past year and how hard it was for me, and the moment I allowed myself to go to that place of anger thinking about the past year, my ears got hot, my insides were flushed, and I began to talk words […]

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I am choosing {what I know}

I felt strong in session today as I stood and sat with my therapist honoring my anger. I was reminded today that my anger is right, and belongs to where it belongs, and not with me. Part of working in therapy has been about building that strong foundation to stand on. A foundation where I can have all those emotions and still be strong enough to stand. I have been going through a particular hard time with a certain situation and I realized today that, when dirt is thrown at you, and you feel that you are about to throw dirt back in your anger – you will lose your own ground. I realized today that the dirt being thrown at me, only serves my foundation to be stronger. I am sitting here building my foundation – the more dirt that is thrown and I am challenged, mine gets stronger. In my anger, of course you want to pick up the dirt and throw it right back, but I am taking from my foundation; that foundation that serves a purpose […]

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ANGER .. with no escape

Anger circled back around again Saturday later afternoon, just as the sad emotions did earlier that morning. I think when we honor our emotions in some way or form; along comes out other things that were right behind it. Anger is the emotion that I have the hardest time honoring. I have felt and honored fear, sadness, doubt, confusion, hope, joy, happiness, excitment, and wonder – but anger is the one emotion I have a hard time getting close to, or touching. When I am angry, that is the one emotion that I swallow the most. I block it out. I do whatever I can to not look at it, or be with it. People have told me that I am the most calm person they have ever met! I am quiet, I don’t make a loud entrance. I am very reserved, calm and soft spoken, I move quietly and I am gentle – if only people knew what I hold inside. Anger is one of the biggest emotions that we have worked on over and over for years in therapy! We have touched it, and then backed away from […]

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