staying grounded… one string at a time

busySometimes when life gets busy, it can cause us to become disconnected from self and not only from self, but to everything and everyone around us.

We lose ground and tend to get into a hiding space within us – at least for me that is what “can happen”, but the challenge and the work has been about not letting that become me and staying as grounded as I can.

I have had a lot on my plate this year both physically and emotionally, and sometimes its hard to separate the two, because it feels like a big ball of yarn scrambled up and you don’t know which piece to work with first to untangle it.

A huge part of my work the past couple of months (more so) have been about learning to stay grounded and knowing that’s it okay to “feel” disconnected, but not “becoming” disconnected. There is a huge difference and my therapist has really helped me to learn that.

You can feel all the things you feel, but the good work and the healing is about not “becoming” how you feel, but instead feeling how you feel and being connected in that.

That is SO NEW for me. For years and years I hide inside the emotions and disconnected from myself and those around me, instead of allowing myself to “be with the emotions while remaining connection to self”.

When you are afraid of your emotions for so long, you become the emotions and feel defined by them, so this is a huge new step in my healing. Its about taking apart the ball of strings in my head one piece at a time instead of letting it become a mess that I become emotionally.

When I was little, I spent a lot of time trying to work through the ball of emotions inside of me. I was the ball of emotions, I was the hurt, I was the pain, I was the loneliness.

I reverted to my closet and became the silence and became the darkness that the closet help. It was my only source of safety. These past 7 years has been about slowly coming out of the closet, into the light and becoming a part of the connection and not the disconnection.

As with anything, we tend to lean on what “we know” from our past when things get really hard. There will always be a pull from something that was familiar.

There are times when things get really overwhelming for me (like this week) when I tend to feel the pull back into my old habits of wanting to be alone in how I feel, but my therapist and I have worked extremely hard in making sure that I stay grounded in the hard.

When things get really hard and overwhelming, a part of the work my therapist and I have been doing is:

1: talk about it “we can talk about anything” no matter how hard or what emotions are present

2: What do I need that would be helpful, and talk about those needs

3: lean in and get grounded around those needs

4: talk about each step going forward

5: have a plan and turn the unknown into a known of what steps are next.

Those 5 things are about reversing the old messages and the old patterns, and I find that has been so helpful for me the past couple of months.

So now when I have that “big ball of string” in my head that feels impossible to untangle – I can talk about it –  have help around it – I can feel it, but not become it, and then its important to make a plan of action around it.

Today I have a big day! I have 2 doctor appointments and one of those are a MRI scan of the whole body. its another step towards finding relief physically to the pain I am going through. I have been nervous about this day for weeks now.

I have a plan of action today, and I am supported and connected because I talked about it, talked about what would be helpful, leaned in and got grounded, and now we have a plan of what I am going to do in each step today.

I am not becoming the fear of today, I am walking along side of it. I am allowing myself to have feelings about it, but I am not becoming it. There is a difference and it has taken me a long time to realize and reverse that.

I will fall short at times I am sure when I am faced with these hard challenges, but that is why they call it healing. That is a part of the process.

I won’t always get it right, and there may be times I still disconnect in the hard, and I am almost positive I will manage to get the ball of string into a bigger ball of mess – but I also know I am not alone to take that ball apart one string – at – a –  time.

So, today I am connected, but I feel anxious.

I am feeling exhausted and tired, but I am grounded.

I am scared and a little anxious, but I am supported, loved and cared for by all those around me today.

I am not hiding in the closet of disconnection, I am out in the open ready to face the day and all it brings …… one string at a time.

Something for you all to think about today –

{What ball of string can you untangle in your life? What does each piece look like and how can you sort it out by allowing yourself to be with those pieces, but not becoming the ball it came from?}

5 comments

  1. Karen,
    You are a brave woman! Lots of positive self talk while your in the MIR machine. I struggle with those tests too. I will be praying for you!
    Hugs,
    Lauren

    1. Thank you :) .. that means a lot to me .. just can’t wait for it to be done and over so I can move onto the next step. I look forward to getting to the other side of this.

      much love <3

  2. I see so much progress for you here.
    I love these lines and they are good for me right now too:
    “I am not becoming the fear of today, I am walking along side of it. I am allowing myself to have feelings about it, but I am not becoming it. There is a difference…”

    I have begun to feel bigger than my tangles of complicated stuff. Not like they are gone, but that they are not all of who I am. So I can relate to the image of “walking along side” of the tangle. This has taken a lot of time and practice of applying gentle awareness when I was stuck in the deepest stuck places and the tangles of mental obsessing. Finding a gentleness and a kindness in myself that could just BE beside the overwhelming icky stuff.

    I can also relate to the power of being able to talk about this stuff to someone who is kind and patient (usually my husband) and doesn’t try to change me but just believes in me and is a friend as I walk through the hard stuff. That is part of how I untangle to ball of string.

    One way that I work with this stuff is not with thinking too hard. But instead getting really simple and a drawing came to me one time that was very comforting. All it was , was a tangle of scribbled lines in a ball. Then my heart near it (but not buried inside the tangle) and then a simple arcing line under both the heart and the tangle, kind of like a shallow bowl holding them. The bowl is supportive but also open. That represents being open to outside help and support (God, friends etc).

    My inner child likes this drawing and it’s not too complicated. Thats important for me since I can get all tangled inside my head over this stuff.

    The other thing that seems essential for me to start the untangle process is to walk.

    Love what you are doing and thanks for sharing again.

    I’ll be thinking of you.

    1. Hi Gel,

      Yes it has taken me a long time as well to learn how to not “BECOME” the feelings but still allow myself to BE WITH the feelings. Andy has taught me so much about that in the past couple of months.

      How I feel is not who I am. If I am feeling badly about myself, it doesn’t mean I AM BAD, it means I feel bad and we need to find out why I feel bad about myself so I can turn those messages into truths. That is the difference I am learning and that is helping me to untangle the old messages one string at a time. Its a process for sure.

      I like your idea about walking.. I may try that .. thanks you for your support … much love to you .. I am blessed

  3. i have read this by accident but in the scheme of things and believing in GOD as i do there are no accidents i have read your blog and am trying to wrap my head around what you are saying and to understand it but everyones conclusion of events does not work for everyone yours does not work for me but thank God you understand what your therapist is saying. As long Karen as you do not become a secluded and “camp” out literally in your room or whereever your alone time space is I see no problem in getting alone to yourself and work out our situation, in your head it is good to have someone as a therapist to talk to but also remember God is right there all the time just waiting on YOU!!!

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