starting anew

images (5)One of my favorite things about the Easter holiday is the feeling of resurrection; starting anew.

This is my favorite time of the year, and this year holds true to that more than any other years in the past.

Last year at this time was far from starting anew, it was more like “just holding on” and this year things are already shaping into something so different and so new.

I went to Church Mass today – First mass I have gone to in months and I have to say it was the most uplifting mass I have ever been to, and I dont think it was just about the Homily Father Paul gave, I think it was about feeling RENEWED – like God has new plans to move me forward in many things this year.

I am excited and scared at the same time.

Tomorrow in therapy my therapist and I are walking towards something new in my healing. We are going to work with something big from my past; something we have never tried in the years of our work together. Something big surfaced over the past year and it needs care, it needs to be heard, felt, and cared for and this is the right step.

Its a process called “healing the inner child” and it’s hard but really good work to move me out of this stuck place I have been in for months and months.

My therapist is excited and yet he himself is anticipatory about it, and I trust him this process! It will take some work, it’s not an over-night process, it takes patience and time. I have done a lot of reading about it and it’s courageous – hard – and painful work, but it’s healing.

I wont lie, I have been biting my nails about it for days, but I know this is a good step out of this stuck-ness I have been in, and a great path forward towards my healing – my life.

Tomorrow I also go see a new heart specialist at Emory Heart; one of the top heart doctors in Atlanta.. again I am excited and scared at the same time. The doctor I have now just isn’t providing me with what I need, therefor I am going to someone more qualified to take on what it is I am struggling with. I would have to say that is a HUGE step towards “self care”.

Once I get the green light from the new heart DR to go to the gym, I plan to join 2 dance classes and a body building routine with a couple of new people. I am nervous because it’s been a while since I have really put myself out there at the gym, but I am hoping that I do get the okay to start lifting weights again.

I think this will be a great step forward in the physical part my healing.  I haven’t been feeling good about myself lately because I haven’t been eating, I feel sluggish and out of sorts and this would be a great way to get my head and body back in the game physically.

There is so much going on, and I hope that this “starting anew” is a great start to a new year. Not a new year calendar wise, but a new year of the holiday “resurrection into something new”. That is how I am looking at it and going forward.

I trust that God will walk with me along this path going forward, I dont hope, I know he will.

One of the things that I love about this blog is that I can come here and be open, be heard and I can share my journey with others who are also on a healing path.

This Easter had a lot of meaning for me on many levels, and it’s just beginning. Thank you for taking this walk with me, I am excited to share my process with those who truly love and care about me – I am blessed!

Faithfulness to the past can be a kind of death above ground. Writing of the past is a resurrection; the past then lives in your words and you are free. – Jessamyn West

2 comments

  1. With all the work you’ve done and the support you have it seems a natural thing for you to start anew.

    About finding a different doctor….good for you for noticing that you weren’t getting what you need from the current doc. I am about ready to do the same thing. It’s hard because I’ve put in 6 years with this same doctor so there is all the getting to know each other that takes time. On the other hand I don’t have confidence in this doctor. It takes courage to make this kind of change (for me).
    Good luck with the new doctor.

    I look forward to the new chapter in your therapy on “healing the inner child”. I’m curious what books you’ve read on this. And what ever you feel comfortable sharing about what you do with your T. for healing your inner child. I’ve read a little on this but never addressed it full on. I have gotten much better about recognizing what my inner child feels like. One thing I’ve observed is that she doesn’t communicate with words much. Trying to reason with her from an adult perspective doesn’t usually work. But demonstrating through actions, movement, play and art always seem to connect with my inner child. It’s very interesting.

    I know you will pace your self with all the physical activities…so I’m not advising you, but I hope you don’t over do it too fast. I’m sure you are too smart, experienced and aware to overdo it so…..HAVE FUN!!!

    I’m so happy that you have your spiritual path and your connection to the church and all….I can tell it feeds your soul and completes you.

    Happy Spring!

  2. Gel … you already know me so well… I am the type of person that will be like “GREEN LIGHT? GO!!” … this time I am taking my time and slowly going through the process.

    The heart DR appointment went great… I plan to write about it tonight. I will say this, EMORY was beautiful…. one of the highest prestige colleges and they have the best heart specialist.. WORTH the traffic back and forth.

    Look for my post coming up about my appointment and working with the inner child … session was good today.. my longer session is on Tuesdays so we will do more then…

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