something feels familiar

It has been incredibly hard work in therapy this year!!

Sometimes when you work so hard, things seem astray; like losing a sense of self because you get so lost in what is going on around you – at least for me.

Today was my longer session (TT) and we talked, and talked, worked through and shared wisdom, connected, and reworked, figured out, asked each other questions, talked about it, figured out more, problem solved, understood, and connected more – I guess you could say it was a beautiful thing today.

What I realized in the 2 hours of session today was “this feels familiar”. The key to my healing has always been the familiar work that my therapist and I do together.

We have A LOT of history together! almost 6 years now. We have a great relationship, and work closely together in and outside therapy and anytime I start to stray away in the hard work, I am reminded of where the connection is – I look to the familiar to guide me.

My therapist always tells me “we make a great team” and we do! I show up and have not missed but one or maybe 2 sessions in almost 6 years. I show up because I value myself and what I want different in my life today.

I am there to work hard, figure out, and to heal, not to depend on, or stay stuck, but to make movement.

Sometimes I work too hard and never allow myself to breathe – but somewhere in the mess this year, I lost a sense of that familiar of where my healing path is, and today was a reminder “oh wait, it’s right here in front of me”.

Today felt familiar. I felt I took a huge step back to look at the familiar right in front of me, and then took a HUGE step forward.

We talked about the things that hurt, about the things I am sad about or angry about, and I was heard and supported and that felt so familiar.

I found myself problem solving, and opening myself up more to the wisdom my therapist was sharing with me. We sat there and talked through feelings and thoughts, and I felt there was huge movement out of this huge mess that this year has brought for me, and it felt good and familiar.

I am sitting here, thinking about the 9 year old I was – she never had anyone to problem solve her feelings. She never had the opening to be with the hurt and talk about the hurt. She never was able to speak about disappointments or to be open when someone is hurting her. She never had a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on when the feelings felt too overwhelming (for free anyways). She never had the support, the connection, the “checking in on” or the care of how she was doing.

Today I have that, I have that right in my therapy room, I have that with all the people around me who know me and my heart. The child within from the past is heard, and I am here as the adult today honoring that, and that feels familiar as it once did.

Today felt familiar and it feels so good to be back into that familiar feeling that I have missed so much in therapy this year, and I realized today just how lucky I am that god sent me a healer who truly supports me no matter what pain I share! Someone who has been along side of me and never gave up on me no matter how hard it got – and someone I trusted to keep showing up myself.

I realized today that nothing is too scary to be told, and that is a good feeling; something she “the child within” never had the chance to feel and today I can give that to her.

4 comments

  1. This is quite a celebration post! I’m happy for you, for all goodness you are savoring in this post. I wish I had such a long strong comfortable relationship with a therapist I respect like you do. It’s good to hear that it is possible and that great progress can be made. It makes me realize that I don’t feel it is possible for me. That’s not a rational thought, just realizing that it seems like it’s too expensive to pay for many sessions, what it would take to get to know a therapist and develop the trust. I’ve had a few different therapists over the years but never worked with any one for more than a few months to a year.

    You wrote: “I took a huge step back to look at the familiar right in front of me, and then took a HUGE step forward”……If I understand what you mean…it sounds like when we get enough support (the familiar that we trust) then we have the strength to take the steps forward in the healing journey. …strength and courage to face hard stuff.

    Thanks for sharing.

    1. thank you for your beautiful response and yes that’s what it means.. I look at it this way.. sometimes when we work at it and work at and work at it, it’s hard to see the progress or who is in front of us.. so I use the ISLAND anology. If you live on an island for years, it’s hard to see the island your on, but if you get in a boat and row away from it just a little, you can grt perspective of where you are. For me today, I took a step back and truly looked at my therapist, the room, the hard work I have done and made a huge step forward in saying “YES this has been a hard year, but im slowly finding empowerment over that

      I too wish you could have a therapist like mine.. I wish everyone had an Andy in their life.. he holds great wisdom and knowlege and I am thankful everyday for his care and compassion in walking with me on this journey!

      I appriciate your response… means alot to me

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