P.S. Never {Give} Up!

dont-give-up--large-msg-131912882775As the end of the year draws near, I am finding myself reflecting more and more on just how hard this past year has been personally, physically and emotionally.

Yesterday in session before this Christmas break this week, we took some time and reflected on just how hard this year has been for me. In fact, it hasn’t been hard just this past year, the past 2+ years have been challenging on many levels.

I have isolated myself from the people and things I love and hold dearly as a way to go inward; leaving me to feel vulnerable to everything and everyone around me.

Sometimes we reflect back as a way to move forward. Sometimes we need to reflect backwards in order to move forwards and that is what this past month has been for me.

I have written and talked some about the shift that has been here since Thanksgiving break, and that shift – that great energy has remained and I have to say it’s exciting and gives me so much hope for what the new years brings.

My therapist and I have talked a lot about this great shift that has been here! We are both excited to take the next steps into what this shift entails … getting back to church, embracing the people and things that I love and hold dearly, start emerging out of this horrible isolation that has been here the past year and a half.

Every day I am noticing more and more the shift that is happening inside of me. It is going to take some work to move more out of this hardness the past 2 years has been for me, and it’s going to take patience and perseverance, but the one thing I hold is this – NEVER GIVE UP!

Moving through and towards something that you see in front of you – but can’t quite grab yet is very frustrating, and it’s in those moments that we are challenged to throw in the towel, throw up the hands and say “I just can’t do it” or the challenge to turn around and walk back into the place that makes us feel more comfortable – but what I know is this.. no matter how hard – NEVER GIVE UP!

Yesterday in session my therapist and I talked about the goal, the excitement in the work going forward .. it will be some hard work, but good hard work.

I finally feel for the first time in 2 1/2 years that I feel close to my healing, to my therapist and to the journey in the therapy room!

As many of you know, my healing took some tough corners a couple of years ago – which was the cause to the isolation for the past 2 years. An outside situation really took a toll on me and my healing and triggered me right into this place of isolation, and surfaced a lot of old old feelings that were really hard to push away.

It got so hard that there were many times I left therapy and gave up the healing journey I have worked so hard through. Many times I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore – but My therapist really took me hand and pulled me in to see past the heavy wall I had built in cause of this.

As I sit here this morning writing, I am truly blessed that I am finally feeling like my healing journey has turned the hard corner and I am finally at a place within myself that I feel I am finally moving out of this isolation!

The isolation has caused me to push away church, friends, things I love to do, people I love to spend time with, even FOOD has been something I pushed away! I was isolation not only from people and things, but from myself.

Sitting here this morning I am blessed that I have turned the corner, and I am walking towards not only the things I loved before, but to new and amazing things I have yet to grab – but see it’s presence.

I can’t even explain in words just how different I have felt. Connected, grounded, trusting, a yearning for being around and with the things I once loved! I am beginning to work out again… all because I listened to God when he said to me “DO NOT GIVE UP ON ME” “DO NOT GIVE UP” .. “HANG IN THERE”

There is still work to do, there are still things I am isolated from, but a part of that work is doing what I am doing right now .. connecting to all that is here not just the good, but also the hard!

I look forward to the new year! I am ready to say goodbye to the past 2 1/2 years and what that brought me! I am ready to say goodbye to the self isolation and unworthiness I have felt for myself! I know it will take some hard work, but I am SO ready for the hard work.. and as my therapist has said “I am excited for the hard work” .

I am so blessed that I never gave up on the journey, and I am so blessed to have family and friends who have stuck by me even when I disappeared into the self isolation.

No matter how hard the road is you are driving, never give up.. never ever give up.. push towards the very things you feel are out of your grasp .. because those things are much closer than you think – if you just believe!

 

12 comments

  1. Though I don’t know your story, your words resonate with me. Especially “pushing away”.

    I am so glad you’ve turned the corner, and are finding a measure of peace and hope! That kind of grace is precious.

    Events in my past (in war) have made it hard to be close to anyone, and even, sometimes, to be close to my dogs. I do get along better with animals than with people.

    Now, dealing with a terminal illness, the ante has been upped. But they did not teach “giving up” at the schools I attended, and (to my wife’s horror) my definition is a medical emergency is s sucking chest I can’t plug while still handling my rifle. Say that to enough civilians, and they think you’re nuts. But in my world, it’s the truth.

    No corners for me to turn any more, but it doesn’t matter. I’m IN what may be my last corner, but if I go down, I will not go down alone.

    Death, you may bring the fear and hopelessness, but I will bring the ferocity, and I will win.

    If I may, I will pray for you. I think you are very, very brave, and I am proud to be in your virtual presence. You give me hope, and strength.

    1. WOW … your response really touched me … I am so sorry about the terminal illness you are with.. may I ask what illness has robbed you? I am so sorry.. thank you for responding to my blog, I am so glad we met .. you really made me think today .. about the thankfulness

  2. Oh Karen, this post has really stirred something within me as well. And then, I read Andrew’s words. To know that while I sit here feeling down about things of the past that has happened in my life that recently surfaced this past year, here Andrew is fighting for his life! That puts a whole new perspective on this today. I do not think it was an accident that I would be your neighbor today on Tuesday At Ten. I think God wanted me to see your words so that I would not give up hope on the situation I’m struggling with in my life with my husband, and I think that God wanted me to see that as bad as what I feel may be – there are much worse, and Andrew is proof right now. Even as he struggles, he reaches out to comfort you in what you’ve written and to say that he understands and can identify with what you’re saying. He’s literally fighting for his life, and he reaches out. Oh I thank God that I had the pleasure of reading your words and Andrew’s words. Today. Right when I needed them the most.

    May God bless you both this Christmas and as we go into the New Year. I will be praying for you as well as Andrew and his family for what they are going through. Just when we think what we’re going through is so bad, there is someone that is really struggling who is holding on as tightly as they can. That is a walking, talking inspiration right there. Thank you, Andrew.

    Blessings to you all,
    Shirley
    Light Love Hope

    1. Hi Shirley .. sorry it took me so long to respond.. with Christmas and all I didn’t even look at my computer!

      Thank you so much for your comment! I agree about the words of ANdrew really putting life in perspective .. we struggle and struggle and yet someone is just struggling to hold onto life itself .. it hit me too ..

      Thank you again for stopping by and commenting .. your response helped me as well …

      I hope you as well had a wonderful Christmas ….

  3. Thanks, KarenBeth…they say it is now likely to be pancreatic cancer, but it hasn’t robbed me, really.

    For one thing, it would give me something in common with Luciano Pavarotti and Patrick Swayze. I would happily die in their company.

    But flippancy aside, it has sharpened my focus. I have a better idea of what is important, and it has been important to understand how my life fits into the scheme of the eternal. Perspective is never without cost, but in this case the cost has not been high. Not really.

    We owe God a death; that much is certain, and was proven by the example of His own Son.

    How we meet that death, with resolve and aggression, or with denial and the mental morphine of popular culture and feel-good preaching…that is up to us.

    In this analogous action replay of Isandlwana, surrounded and outgunned, I am content to know that decency, honour, fair play, and resolve count for something.

    In fact, they count for everything.

    It is my honour to have found you here, KarenBeth. I intend to be here for a long time to come, but if it were to end in an hour…

    I have met a woman of courage, and am privileged beyond measure.

    1. I love this line you wrote β€œWe owe God a death; that much is certain, and was proven by the example of His own Son”

      That line gave me chills … we are holding onto life and yet at the same time God looks forward to our death! ..

      I am so glad you found me … I am blessed!

  4. What more can I say – after reading your post – KarenBeth – then Andrew’s and Shirley’s comments…I pray for each of you in your struggles and know that you are ALL courageous and brave in what you have shared. My struggles are small compared to this…and I pray for the courage to continue on my journey as you brave souls continue on yours!

    Thank you all for sharing; may you be blessed!

  5. Visiting over from FMF. Like you, I’ve been going through a similar shift as I reflect on things that have happened while trying to press forward. What a relief to say goodbye to the past 2 1/2 years! I will lift you up in prayer as you press on this new year. God bless, Carrie

    1. HI and welcome!!! I love seeing new people stop on over at my Tuesday at Ten! thank you Carrie for lifting me up in prayer.. that really does touch my heart! I hope to see you again!

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