I wasn’t sure how I was going to make this book into something that could be fun, healing, and a place to capture whatever it is that resonates with me in the moment.
So yesterday an hour before leaving for session I got out my “box making tools” and started to create the book to my feelings.
GRACE and HOPE! how appropriate for my journey, and on the inside I put a lot of great quotes that I love that I had left-over from the hope boxes I make, wanting to create a space I could just add thoughts at any time when I am not near my computer.
I brought it into session and of course my therapist loved it! The first question he asked me was “and what was going through your mind when you decided to create this amazing book? did it create more of a connection in the disconnection you feel?
I think for me it is a sense of connection! Since I was 5 years old I have been all about words and meaning! Creativity and writing and drawing has been a huge part of who I am and who I have become. Anyplace that I can capture a meaning is healing for me.
“All glory comes from daring to begin”
Paper was my outlet when I was little, and anytime I could get my hands on a stack of paper, it was like gold to me! A blank canvas to create something that no one could take away from me! My thoughts and my feelings that were mine and none for the taking from the abusers in my life.
I have created many journals in therapy .. in fact on my therapist desk sits a “TIMELINE” journal that we started to work on years ago (before chaos took place and we had to attend to another issue at the time) that was a book about the timeline of my childhood and how writing out the timeline of the abuse was healing but painful work.
I also have journal book that my therapist and I used to use in session where I would write something before session and then leave the book with him and he would write something positive in the book to give back to me at next session.
So creating books and places to put feelings and emotions has always been a healing thing for me. It only made sense to start this hope and grace book to hold all the words and meanings that help me everyday on this journey of healing.
“What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are small matters compared to what lies within us”
When I see a blank canvas, its almost like a place of hope to where I can put something out there to be known without there being consequences; a place of vulnerability to be seen and heard, and yet at the same time creating hope for myself.
I am surprised I don’t have books out yet. I am still working on my book called “alone in the closet” .. I put it aside a year ago because I wasn’t quite ready to face the words to the abuse yet, but in the meantime, these are the books I do create.
I think what I will do with this book is take a moment every morning (after my physical morning workout) and just see what hits me at the time – whether it be a favorite quote I love, or a verse from the bible that seems to fit the day, or even just put down my feelings at the time.
I plan to take this book to therapy from time to time and share the thoughts inside as it can be very helpful to the journey I am on… or maybe even let my therapist add to it along side of our work.
Maybe take it to church and sit with it and just draw or write whatever thoughts come to mind.
I look at this book as being just like my blog, only I can hold it in my hands!
I can’t wait to see what fills this book, and maybe I will share it from time to time as it fills up.