just for today . . .
“What if just for today you could fully accept that you are accepted, loved and cared for?”
“What if today you could accept that whatever feelings you feel is okay to feel?”
“What if you could stay in the moment, and accept whatever is here?”
Yesterday in session my therapist handed me our “Therapy Journal” that we pass back and forth, and I opened it up and he had written something in there that shed more light on something that I think we all struggle with at times.
He wrote: “Grace – a light breaking into our darkness. Do not ask for the name today.. do not try to do anything else today but to be in this moment .. Simply accept the fact that you are accepted and accept the incredible person that you are.
I think sometimes we tend to live life thinking too much about yesterday or worry too much about tomorrow instead of living right here in the now. It’s easy to escape and run from the now, it’s vulnerable and risky to accept what is, no matter good or bad, sad or happy, angry or elated.
While in session yesterday, we both stood up for a few moments to breathe like we sometimes do, and I looked over at my healing hope box that sits on his desk that holds many of my thoughts and feelings, and out of nowhere I just started to cry, and my therapist hugged me and told me to just “let it out” “just be here in this moment” “honor what is here” “talk about the hurt you feel”.
It wasn’t that I was going through a tough time at that moment, it was just an emotional reaction to something that just touched me a certain way that brought those emotions out in that moment.
I did manage to stayed with those emotions, when normally I would have swallowed it or pushed it away. I talked about it, expressed what brought those feelings up, and I stood there in the moment.
When I attend NA meetings (or try to get to meeting), their motto is “Just for Today”. When recovering from addiction, there is no yesterday, there is no tomorrow, there is only “this moment” right now. The only moment you have to worry about is the work of the 12 steps, the support of the people around you, and getting through that moment to the next moment.
Recovering addicts live for the day, because every moment is a step towards recovery, and that moment is the only moment that needs to be worked on. I found that helpful in my own recovery from pain pill addiction; just one moment at a time, and here I am 8 months recovered – a bunch of little moments leading up to a moment of being free from the addiction that had control over me.
When I lost over 100 pounds when my body gained weight from my heart condition back in 2004, it wasn’t a mindset of “I need to lose this much weight“, or “this is where I need to be at this date and time” it was “in this moment, I am getting healthy“, “in this moment I am going to walk/run 5 miles“, “in this moment I am going to eat my healthy meal” and before I knew it, a year later I was 100 pounds less of me, fit, healthy, lifting weights and happy – a bunch of small moments leading into a big healthy moment for life.
In my healing in therapy, (slowly) I am learning to be in the moment of now with my emotions. I am learning slowly (very slowly) how to accept just for today – believe 1 out of 10 times that I am worthy and can accept all that is around me. There are times I fall short of those moments of acceptance, or I may sometimes swallow my emotions or try and hide from that very moment, but I am getting there – NOT easy, but getting there.
I think the toughest challenge is staying in the moment when I feel 2:00, or going through a rough time emotionally, but those moments are just as important as the good moments.
So in this very moment right now, I am content, I am so connected with those around me. I just got off the phone with my therapist earlier this evening and talked about yesterdays session and reflected on how good it was to just “be in the moment” – just for today believe I deserve those moments.
I am watching TV with my son Ryan, while I have my coffee and laptop on the couch with me. I am cuddled with my Christmas blanket, and this moment is a good moment, and I will allow myself to be here.
Tomorrow will be tomorrow, and maybe tomorrow I will find more moments good or hard in session and honor those too, but right now in this moment is the only moment I am focusing on, and I feel connected and blessed.
What if “Just for Today” you could accept and find your own moments of being just exactly how you are and accept that?
Give a try, and accept the wonderful person you are in this moment!
Here is a great quote
“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.” ― Eckhart Tolle
December 12, 2012 at 8:19 PM
Karen ~ good insight. I needed to hear this. I’m struggling with this very topic today. Acceptance. Accepting where I came from, accepting myself, and accepting that there are things that one can’t change. Allowing myself to be cared for and loved by others sounds great and inviting but terrifies something deep inside of me. I have an internal struggle going on. I want to be loved and cared for BUT is the risk of being hurt REALLY worth it? People can withdraw their love from me the minute I displease them or hurt them. So, I would rather love other people than expect people to love or care about me. It’s safer. I know I run from the very thing we all long for, but for now, that’s the way I have to live to keep my heart protected. So, I choose who I allow in and who I give and recieve love from. It’s very limited but as I heal, I’m sure my heart will be my open to accept more love.
December 12, 2012 at 9:23 PM
Lauren … I so get how you feel. It’s a risk to love and accept love because you are open to be hurt more. If you don’t open yourself up, it’s like a shield against pain and hurt.
I have more of a problem with DEPENDANCY .. I DO NOT depend on anyone, and it’s hard because it’s a blessing AND a curse.. My therapist always tells me that me being “SELF DEPENDANT” gets in the way of my healing, because I can’t accept sometimes. One of my biggest fears is relying on someone else to make me happy. I tell that to my therapist all the time, I say “the day I become dependent on you is the day I quit.. 6 years later, I am still here. YES there are times I allow myself to need, but it’s short lived LOL
Love, acceptance, being in the moment is hard, but it’s do-able and it really is healing.
December 14, 2012 at 8:24 AM
“Just for today” is one of the pearls of wisdom that I heard about from 12 Step programs that is so simple yet such a journey to live. It sounds like you are doing it! For me, doing meditation for even just my 5 minutes is a baby step to living in today. I’m getting glimpses of the serenity in this.
How you described your weight loss process is such a good example of a healthy attitude about weight……putting right living into practice rather than focusing on losing weight.
And you remind me that it’s only in the present, the now, that we can connect with God or a Higher Power.
December 14, 2012 at 3:42 PM
Gel . . . connection is the answer to everything.. it’s where love, and acceptance is found.. another thing I have learned this year..
I like that “pearls of wisdom” … 🙂