Five Minute Friday {Together}

1Welcome to five minute Friday to where us bloggers are given a word prompt and write for just 5 minutes simply for the joy of writing.

No editing or backtracking. No need to be perfect. Just words freely flowing from my heart to yours.

Set the timer, have fun, write whatever flows from your fingers!

 

Today’s Five minute Friday word is {Together}

START

6 years and 8 months ago I began this scary yet amazing journey to healing in therapy.

When I first began showing up to therapy I had no idea what it was like to have a safe connection with anyone outside my husband.

I lived a life in a bubble called “NUMB”, and it even took a very long time to find a connection to my husband which I still lived in a state of being numb to all that surrounded me.

I didn’t know what it was like to be in connection and togetherness with anyone. I was petrified of being touched, hugged, or being seen.

At social events I would scatter away from anyone who tried to greet me with a hug. I panicked in the thought of being together with a bunch of people in fear I would be smothered that may set off a trigger of some kind.

But then that changed when I learned what safe touch and connection was.

One of my favorite favorite memories that I have had on this healing path in therapy was the day my therapist showed me what connection and togetherness was.

He scooted and scooted and scooted his chair over to mine until our knees almost touched. He then reached out his finger while I was crying and he said “lets connect together, touch my finger with yours!” So, I reached out and touched my finger to his, and a connection was made. I cried more because I felt it, I wasn’t numb and it was safe.

That moment was the day I learned that I could be seen in my emotions, be together in connection, and I wasn’t going to be abused or put down for how I felt.

6 years and 8 months later, my therapist and I sit together on the couch, we talk together, laugh together,  we work hard together, we share together and even have had tears together.

I have learned to apply this connection and togetherness to outside in my life and be together with others without the fear of being seen.

I hug people now, I allow myself to be close with others and not have to numb or hide or scatter away from what goodness togetherness brings.

My therapist taught me about releasing the fear and trusting that not all hands are abusive; that his finger to my finger was out of love, care and connection, not abuse.

He taught me to go outside in the world and trust that I am worthy of connection and being together with good people who loved me for who I am, and not for those who wanted something “from” me.

I look back on that moment over 6 years ago and I don’t even recognize the person I was. I don’t know what my life would be like had I not found what it was like to be together in connection with other people and see that it can be safe.

My openness with my husband and kids are amazing today because of that moment my therapist shared with me. I am more open to love and comfort rather than numbing myself.

yes there are times that I struggle with it from time to time when the past is at the surface, but when those moments come, I am always reminded by the reach out of the finger from my therapist… this is safe, and you are here in the now and you are connected and together with people who love you.

I truly believe that God brings us together with people who can show us what connection is when we are lost. That is what God did for me. He gave me people in my life who are safe who could show me the way to connectedness and togetherness and for that I am blessed.

I am blessed to be on this journey to healing, where togetherness is the key to connectedness.

END

14 comments

  1. I am so glad that you were able to learn to connect with other people and that you are able to have that great relationship with your family, you deserve nothing less. I wish you all the best and admire how far you have come.

  2. Dear Karen,
    I identify with this, my T that I’ve been with for two years , some time ago, put his hand out also, although to shake hands, I was frozen in fear, I thought, I’ll try, and we connected. I also felt the hope that not all touch needed to be painful! It is a thing we do at the end of sessions to this day, I’m not frightened by this any more, today was very painful, he still put out his hand to reassure me that I’m safe. I feel god has also put safe people in my life as I slowly learn to have some trust, it’s still triggering at times and I can’t always manage. I do have a least some people , so in essence the pain of fear and isolation, can be eased, a step at a time. When I feel stronger connection can at times , strangely feed my soul…lol
    Thanks for sharing love Ziggy
    p.s so glad you are healing and connecting, huge step..

    1. Hi Ziggy … always happy to see your name here :) … I am glad that you also have a great relationship with your Therapist … does your therapist hug you? I have spent a whole session in a hug with my therapist before and it took a long long long time to get to that point. I have learned so much about safe connection and because of that, I can share that hug with all those outside in my life

      1. Dear Karen,
        I so love your writing, no I’m not ready to hug, I don’t know, does that ?? cross personal boundaries? I don’t know as my T is a male…so I don’t know whether he would do that? ..lol
        love and healing to you Ziggy

  3. I also believe that a big part of our healing happens through good connections with other people. Even though the “work” is our own to do, we can’t do all of it by ourselves. As you have said this requires building trust with others.
    It’s so good to hear how this is happening for you. I’m so happy to hear that all your hard work is paying off by increasing your connections with those you love.

    I have some safe loving people in my life too. But I realize that I don’t want to venture out beyond my safe circle. I stay close to home a lot. I wonder about “pushing” my edges and trying to expand my circles. I guess I am doing that a little as I have some budding new friendships happening. It’s hard for me to know if I should accept what I have, nurturing the relationships I have already or to expand and work on more connections.

    Thanks for letting me muse a little on this.

    xxoo

    1. Hi Gel :) the safe circle… YES I understand that … I also stay close to home, but that has happened to me more in the past year around a “certain situatiion” that happened. But its getting better.

      I love your recent story about the breakfast with friends.. that is you creating a connection and I also see you growing as well..

      I wonder .. as I am writing this, how much our connection is helping each other .. it seems we have both grown a lot this year huh?

      1. Yes YES! I feel that we have been helping each other A LOT with our connection through these blogs. It is a very special friendship I feel with you. I really appreciate your constant companionship and affirming loving energy towards me.

        And I see A LOT of growth in each of us too!

        Love,
        Gel

  4. I also have an issue connecting with people. I used to be the one who hugs but now I cringe whenever I sense one coming my way. You are so right about the people who come into our lives for a reason. As always, a lovely post, Karen.

    PS My last post post mentioned your excellent post, “healing is a process – not an event”. I don’t know how to do pingbacks but i did leave a link to your blog

  5. this is a mighty post. beauty is a word that comes close, but slips away as it nears “just right” ness. i hope – i pray – that feeling of love and togetherness never leaves you again. thank you for sharing. (visiting from fmf)

  6. Thanks for sharing this beautiful story. I had a somewhat similar experience when I saw my priest recently, and he offered his hands out to me as we prayed. I panicked for a few seconds. The idea of connecting physically with a man was terrifying. When I decided to take a chance and allow his touch (we held hands), I was able to feel that this touch was, not only safe, but also offered incredible peace and healing.

    1. I love my priest .. and I think that is great that you were able to sit and pray with him .. that is a great connection :)

Please take a moment to comment! I love connecting with others!