five minute friday {ordinary}

Welcome to five minute Friday to where us bloggers are given a word prompt and write for just 5 minutes simply for the joy of writing.

No editing or backtracking. No need to be perfect. Just words freely flowing from my heart to yours.

Set the timer, have fun, write whatever flows from your fingers!

Today’s Five minute Friday word is {Ordinary}

{Start}

What is ordinary? I don’t know what its like to have an ordinary life; a day that is ordinary, or what it feels like to have ordinary moments.

But then again, what is ordinary?

I envy the people who weren’t from a home of abuse, or neglect. I often wonder what my life would be like had I not been a victim of child sexual abuse, or what it would be like to not have to go through the everyday struggles that I go through.

What is a life ordinary? I really don’t know to be honest.

I wish I could wake up without feeling any doom or anxiety that something bad is going to happen.

I wish I didn’t fear being hurt even though I know I’m not, but the fear still lingers.

I wish I didn’t wake up in the middle of the night sometimes crying because something from my past came to me in my dream.

I wish I knew what it was like to just BE and not have to work so hard at it.

With all the things I wish I didn’t or did have, this life I live is ordinary for me, and I do the best I can with what I was given.

I work hard, I work hard to be who I am. I work hard to be a wife and a child of God. I work hard at being a mom. I work hard in my healing in therapy. I do the best that I can at being the best person I can be. Some days it’s enough and some days its a little easier than the day before.

I wish I could wake up and just be and move through the day without my daily rituals to move through the many hard moments that I do have. I wish I could allow myself to accept the love around me without having to 2nd guess it. I wish I was ordinary, and maybe I am and I just don’t see it.

In the hard life that I had, and in this life that I have now, what I do know is, my life is what is, and I will always do the best that I can with what I have.

I have an amazing husband of 22 years. I have 3 beautiful boys who are in their teens and one is 21 already. I have GOD and FRIENDS who are amazing. I have a therapist who I have been working with now for 6 years and 7 months and I am so blessed to have him on my side helping me to fight the demons in my NOT so ordinary life.

So is my life ordinary? maybe not, but it’s ordinary for me, and Its the best that I can do with what I have been given, and that is enough.

{END}