five minute friday {in between}

Anna-in-Between-850x460Welcome to five minute Friday to where us bloggers are given a word prompt and write for just 5 minutes simply for the joy of writing.

No editing or backtracking. No need to be perfect. Just words freely flowing from my heart to yours.

Today’s Five minute Friday word is {In Between}

Start

I have lived my life in between since I was a child. In between is safe, in between holds no decision but to just be right where I am – but it also comes with its curses.

The in between holds a safe barrier between decisions, thoughts, emotions, and actions.

Should I speak, or shouldn’t I?
Should I talk about it, or shouldn’t I?
Do I cry, or don’t I cry?
Do I reach out for connection, or don’t I connect?
Do I do this, or do I do that?
Is this way safe, or is that way safe?

My whole life has been this constant see-saw right in the “in between” and it’s both frustrating and safe (you see, between both things). It’s a blessing and a curse.

A part of my healing has been about choosing the right or left, and leaving the in between for a place to rest and settle in the hard work of healing. I have learned to say yes to one thing and no to another instead of just staying in-between and settling.

When I want to reach out to someone and connect, I choose to, and take the risk. When I don’t feel good about reaching out, I don’t. There is no in between anymore like it used to be.

6 years of therapy has taught me to take a risk, do what it is I need, and talk about the fears surrounding that.

When I feel the need to write an email to my therapist or support, I don’t sit here and say what if, maybe not, maybe yes maybe no.. if I want to do it, I do it, and then I talk about how it feared me, or how it made me happy. If I have emotions, I don’t sit in the middle anymore, I allow myself the emotions and then I learn to put them away when I need to put them away instead of swallowing them in the “in between”

The in between used to be a hard place for me, but now the in-between is more of a place of resting rather a place of suffering in decisions, emotions, or actions.

I never thought I would say this but I am loving the in between place now, because I know I can make the choice to move out of it anytime I need to and still feel safe enough to do so

END

12 comments

  1. I can relate to a lot of which you write about – I lived a lot of my childhood that way. It’s hard at times to show emotions after learning to stuff them. Thank you for sharing your heart.

    1. thank you so much for your comment.. its always nice to know that we are not alone :) I appreciate you stopping by

  2. Dear Karen
    I admire your courage and perseverance through your healing. What a great place to be when the in between becomes a place of rest instead of hiding.
    Much love
    Mia

  3. I too am a survivor of abuse, and I write about it to heal and help others. That in-between place is a difficult place to leave, isn’t it? Blessings to you.
    Visiting from 5 Minute Friday

    1. MELANIE.. Thank you for visiting .. I love to hear about people writing about their healing process… I am going to check out your blog as well.

  4. Before I even read this, the title brought up and immediate positive feeling and a feeling of familiar and comfortable. In between, is being simultaniusly aware of “this” and “that”. Then I read your words and that was very interesting too. I don’t know why my first reaction was positive. I very much dislike indecision. I’ve made bad decisions just because I didn’t like being undecided. So in that case I don’t like the in between.

    I imagine being in between can mean a lot of different things.

    An in between that I love is twilight. I love to go on walks or doing something outside when the light is leaving and the dark is coming on. I like the term “gloaming” for that time.

    I just re-read your thoughts……I like how you differentiate between hiding in the “in between” and resting in the “in between”. You have gotten strength to take risks and make choices that take you out of the indecisive space of in between. On the other hand you can accept the peace of in between at other times. That’s beautiful.

    Have a great weekend!!

    1. GEL .. thank you :) you really do love the outside don’t you? I wish I loved the outside as much as you.. for me, my outside is INSIDE .. I live life through writing and through lenses .. BUT I do love the beach :)

      Thank you for reading my blog and commenting today

  5. I love the image of allowing yourself emotions, and then putting them away when needed. That is something I am also re-learning after 17 years of stuffing my emotions and feelings down to please others or keep the peace. It is ok to FEEL, but you have to learn to do that in a constructive and healthy way. I’m learning what a blessing it is to have people around you that let you feel, and then support you as you work through those feelings.

    1. Nancy … I AGREE.. it helps to learn the new way of living when you have support and people around you who know what you have been through! That is why I write, and share :)

      Thank you for stopping by the blog and sharing with me yourself..

Please take a moment to comment! I love connecting with others!