continue; making my way back

As I sit here writing, putting words to this blog, it feels weird as I haven’t written in so long – – but at the same time it feels familiar.

I took a backseat to my writing and many other things this past year, but the one thing I didn’t take a backseat to was my healing, and continuing to fight and put one foot in front of the other.

For the past year or so, I went through emotional and physical isolation, I pushed away my writing, I pushed away people who I was once close to, I pushed away things that really defined who I was.

I pushed away out of fear – – but what I have learned the most these past couple of months is, those things I pushed away and backed away from, never went away – that my writing, and those people who love and care for me are right here waiting as I continue to take steps forward and out.

My therapist and I have worked so incredibly hard this past year, and continue to work hard to help me put one foot in front of the other as I took, and continue to take steps out to find my way back – and for him and this journey I am so grateful. I am so grateful that he helped me find my steps, and even sat with me in the moments of still.

The one thing I have learned the most about myself in this past year is, no matter what steps I took whether it was steps back, to the side, steps paused out of fear, or even moments of sitting still,  I was always going forward even when I didn’t see it or feel it.

The funny thing about healing is, no matter how hard things get, you can move forward in the hard. You can move forward even in the pauses, you can even move forward when you take no steps at all. I have really come to understand that – which is what gave me the courage to write this blog today.

I have missed writing so much! I have missed connecting with others on this journey to healing. I have missed putting words to this blog and really connecting with those who also know what this journey is about for me, and for them. . . . . so that is why today – TODAY – I have decided to take another step and let the words be seen; let this journey be seen thru my writing and thru the steps forward.

Even as I sat here writing this blog, there were moments of pause, moments of not being sure if I wanted to continue to write to post it, even moments of deleting some words and putting them back – but all of those moments is what makes THIS step what it is.

I look forward to sharing thru my words what the healing process has been for me this past year, so I can connect with others and create more steps not only for me, but hopefully for others like I once did.

I am truly blessed for finding my way back to this blog and many others things that I isolated from.

There is this quote that I have really embraced as I have taken steps and that quote is

healing doesn’t completely eliminate a person’s pain. It removes the fear of entering into the pain

I have learned to enter “into” the fear and “into” the pain – – as a way to move out of it

14 comments

  1. Wonderful to see you’re back!
    I’ve only written a few posts after Don passed and only 1 since losing Shane to heroin. But I’m healing and what I recognized in your blog is what my therapist always tells me when I express that all of this pain and sorrow are taking too long … She says, no, you’re moving forward, you’re doing things. And when you aren’t doing things to move forward you are healing in the stillness. I think you may have inspired me … as you have so many times. Glad you’re back. <3 Andrea

  2. LOVE that you are back writing Karen! you bring so much to people, your writing brings so much grace and hope to others and your writing has been missed. Thank you for sharing, I am so sorry you went through a hard time. I look forward to reading more of what this journey has been for you.

    -Mary

    1. You have always been such a inspiration to me, and you have always been a big fan . . . thank you Mary for your kind words and your support :)

    1. Thank you INZA . . . you are also another person who really supports my blog and my writing .. and of course your funny snapchats always help puts a smile on my face :) thank you for being a good friend.

  3. Beautiful words Karen!! I am so happy to see you back; to see you entering into the pain and the fear. To write for you and for those who connect through your words. Thank you for sharing your heart and soul.

    1. As always Barbara, you always make me smile with your comments, and it brings me comfort to know that you read my blog with open mind and open heart … thank you for being such a good friend to me – thru the good and the hard.

  4. Hey!! I love the vibe of this blog. It is so uplifting and courageous. I like the feeling it gives me of “come on therapy, let’s do this!!” I am glad you’ve come back to writing. Thank you for finding my blog. You are right with what you say, finding other people on here that can understand or support your journey is so helpful. Glad you are back!! xx

    1. awww thanks ….. well I look forward to us connecting more through our blogs … I am going to sit more with your blog this afternoon and read more :) I always say that writing brings connection to others and thats why I do it .. to write and know that we are not alone in this :)

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