My Life, Living With 2 O’clock. . .

One of the things that I had promised myself when starting this blog over a year ago was that I was going to open up as much as I could about what it is I go through in this journey called “healing”. My main focus at first was to slowly introduce my thoughts on many different things in life, and then slowly open up about my past, and then move into talking about my healing in therapy, and through connection. In the past month, I have been opening up more and more here in my blog. I have also been reading my blog entries with my therapist in sessions during the week. I read and speak it out to the room! It has truly moved me through a whole different direction in my healing, along with the great work that I do in working with the timeline. I have found that the more and more I am writing, sharing and being with them, the more I am getting to the core of some really hard things that I deal with, and that I feel I can open up […]

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Grieving The Past

One of the things that has been most confusing for me in this healing process, is being told “you are grieving your past” and “you need to grieve the past to heal”. Why would I grieve something that was painful? Why would I grieve something that I wish never happened to me? Why would I grieve something that was so horrific? I have lost someone very very special to me, my Nana. She was one of the only people in my life that truly loved me unconditionally. Losing her I knew what it felt like in that loss. It was sad and heart breaking, because I had that close bond with her, she was the only one I had a close bond with that was safe, and I loved her back just as much… but why would I grieve pain and suffering? When we grieve our past it’s grieving what should have been, or could have been. For me right now I am grieving the mom I never had. I had a mom, but she was not a mom. My […]

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Living Life with PTSD

My entire life, up to this point, I have always thought deep within that “this is the way that I am, this is the way that I have always been, and this is the way that I will always be. For the first time in my life, I can actually say, “this is why I am the way that I am, this is not how it’s always going to be, and the most important part? – “this is not my fault”. I am a victim of child sexual abuse! The first part of healing, is admitting what happened to you as real, and true. You cannot heal from something you do not accept as happened to you. It has taken me 5 years in this journey of healing (therapy) with someone I trust, to help me understand that “this was done TO me, and this is NOT who I am”. I took the step 5 years ago, to go to someone and talk about my story from ME, and release the silence within – and I am thankful that I have that support to go forward in my journey. Living […]

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