When I began therapy almost 10 years ago, I was scared! I was vulnerable, I was unsure of what the process would be. I was afraid to let someone else into the part of my life I had locked up deep within for a very long time. But I took that step 10 years ago, and I took that step because it was something I needed to do for me – for that scared locked up little girl inside that never had a voice to speak without consequences. I was told by “other people of my past” that going to therapy wasn’t going to help – that all therapy was about was paying someone to listen to my problems, and that talking about my past would be digging myself a hole I would never be able to get out of. I was even told that I would be abandoned in the process, and if I took this step, no one would be there for me if I came back. I was told that once I took that step into therapy, […]
learning to “heal” my inner child
“Your wounded inner child will never be healed by something from the outside but only by yourself, your own power and wisdom” I have struggled for many years to even accept that I had an inner child. I struggled with the thought that the little girl I was still remains struck inside of me – wanting to be healed, loved and connected to. I feared that if I accepted that part of me, that it would mean I was mentally ill, or I would be more damaged than I thought I would. I was afraid that I would be looked at weird by even mentioning “my inner child”. It was a while back ago in therapy that my therapist shared with me that even he has an inner child – we all have an inner child. For some people their inner child is stuck in place – wounded – scared – filled with old messages that never allows the adult to grow in certain ways. I have accepted and come to really embrace the inner child within – to learn […]
continue; making my way back
As I sit here writing, putting words to this blog, it feels weird as I haven’t written in so long – – but at the same time it feels familiar. I took a backseat to my writing and many other things this past year, but the one thing I didn’t take a backseat to was my healing, and continuing to fight and put one foot in front of the other. For the past year or so, I went through emotional and physical isolation, I pushed away my writing, I pushed away people who I was once close to, I pushed away things that really defined who I was. I pushed away out of fear – – but what I have learned the most these past couple of months is, those things I pushed away and backed away from, never went away – that my writing, and those people who love and care for me are right here waiting as I continue to take steps forward and out. My therapist and I have worked so incredibly hard this past year, and […]
start where you are
Sometimes, when we are struggling, or going through a hard time, we long to move out of whatever we are going through to get back to how things were – “if only I can feel better”, “I wish I could go back to how I felt then when things felt easier“, “if only I could go back to that moment when . . . . “. Sound familiar? I know we have all been there. We have all wished to take back a moment or a time, or to wish that we could go back to a particular good feeling, or a time when we felt a little more connected to others and ourselves. I myself have gone through that many times – in fact I have gone through a really rough patch this past week with feeling something new, and wanting to go back to something that feels familiar, but I know if I just continue right where I am, that I will find myself right where I need to be. Many many times I have wished to go […]
the cure to healing is pain
Last weekend I was triggered by a memory/image from my past, and this trigger was one of the worst I have had in a very long time; the kind of trigger that pulls you from the now and throws you into a tailspin of fear, emotions from the past. Over time in my work in therapy I have learned that triggers and or memories are “information” not “emergencies” – that these feelings and thoughts are here to tell a story to heal, not to harm me. This trigger was a pretty big one, and its been hard to be present and connected to the now, when I feel I was thrown into my past. I have done a lot of praying around this as I haven’t felt much like myself since this trigger, and one of the things that I realized was – maybe sitting with this trigger, feeling this trigger, feeling my
9 years – My Place of Healing
This month, this week, this year marks 9 years on this amazing journey of therapy and healing. This is my place of healing, the room that holds the story, the pain, the joy, the truth of so many things I kept hidden inside me for 30+ years. This is a photo of my therapy room, the room I stepped into 9 years ago and began my healing journey with an amazing therapist who has guided me into the life I never thought I could live. 9 years ago I began this journey with one foot out the door out of fear, and today I claim this room as the place of my healing and the place that has changed my life, and has healed so many open wounds. I have sat in every chair in this room – made my way around the room in anger, tears, laughter, joy, excitement and many other feelings and emotions that I have had through the years! The room [ . . . . . ]
new blog look – a new path ahead
It has been about 5 years since I have redone the look of my blog. I feel my writing has suffered at a standstill, and my blog has suffered in that as well. I am taking many big steps and many big changes in my healing, in my life, in my self and this change was one of the big steps in reclaiming back my voice, and my writing! My writing, blog, and myself went through some hard trials a couple years ago which pulled me away from my blog and my writing out of fear. But what the past year has really shown me, and what I have come to realize is – my writing, my blog, and the people I connect to through my writing is [ . . . . ]
Testing New Layout
Doing a quick test on the new layout …. new blog writing to come tonight!