We are important too!

When I saw this months cover of Time Magazine’s “Person of the year” – The Silence BreakersThe Voices That Launched a Movement” it not only struck an angry nerve for me, but it made me sad and frustrated!

For YEARS people have been speaking out about sexual assault, sexual abuse, child sexual abuse, rape and so on! I am not talking about just celebrities; I am talking about your everyday mom, wife, daughter, sister, father, husband, son, and brother.

People have been speaking out more and more about sexual assault, sexual abuse, and even rape! I believe it needs to be heard louder, and it’s not given the proper attention it deserves.

What made me upset about the “Time Magazine” article was this quote:

While the concept of #MeToo was started in 2006 by activist Tarana Burke, its use became part of the national conversation in October after celebrities on social media used it to share their own sexual abuse stories in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein scandal

It only became a worldwide conversation when “celebrities” stood up and spoke? What about the millions of people who write books, write blogs, spread awareness around their own stories? Why did it take the voices of well-known, high paid, wealthy celebrities for the #METOO movement to be seen and recognized as much as it has this year?

Are the voices of everyday people not credible enough for this movement to be seen for what it truly stands for; only when celebrities began standing up to it?

YES, Time Magazine did include a great spread of photos around the everyday people who have also come forward – but that was not brought to the forefront, or noticed until popular celebrities began voicing their truth, and telling their stories of the sexual assaults they endured.

Lets be honest, had the celebrities not spoken out as they did – we “sadly” wouldn’t be having this conversation right now – because to society and the media, the every day people are not as interesting, and it doesn’t pay and that is the sad truth in all of this.

It makes me angry, and it makes me sad that we are not hearing the voices and the stories of your average everyday people who dare to speak, and have the courage to be seen.

The “METOO movement” which began in 2006 sadly wasn’t heard-of as loudly until recently when popular celebrities took their stories to social media! I struggle with society and the media not paying attention to it until it brings in revenue or its high standards of the celebrities to make it stand out and worthy enough to pay attention to. it saddens me!

I am however hopeful that the movement is pressing to the everyday people to speak more – I am in awe anytime anyone speaks their truth, but I will stand by this belief – this DID NOT start with the celebrities who stood up this year and took a stand – it started WAY before that, it just sadly went un-noticed!

When I saw the magazine cover, the first thing I thought of was “this isn’t new” “this isn’t new news” – look between the lines and you will see that stories have been told – voices have been spoken – people have been courageously talking about it for YEARS by thousands of people – sadly the media and society chooses to highlight it when it benefits them!

I hate that something so important as the “metoo movement” or the stories written by others stood stagnant until the popular media heard it through celebrities!

Whether it’s a story told against the popular Harvey Weinstein, or the actor Kevin Spacey, or the average man/woman living next door to you, it’s a story worth telling and hearing! No one “story” or “pain felt” should be treated any differently whether you are a celebrity or not.

Thousands of courageous bloggers and writers out there have been telling their story for YEARS; using their voice to bring awareness to a topic that is so shielded by society out of fear of talking about it.

I myself have been writing for years on my blog; writing about the story of my past, and the healing journey I have taken in therapy from my past around the child sexual abuse I endured from the age of 5 until I was 11, and then raped at 13 by a “friend” of the family.

I work hard in my journey, and I write about it in hopes it gives others the courage to stand and tell their story! I love connecting with others and truly have a heart for those who find that courage within.

I am not saying that Time Magazine didn’t focus on the everyday people, and I am absolutely not saying that the voices of these celebrities are not important – because EVERYONE’S VOICE MATTERS!

What I am upset about is that we live in a society that money and fame speak louder than your everyday person whose voice is just as important – but unfortunately not as noticed.

EVERYONE and ANYONE who has courageously spoken their story deserves to be seen as “person of the year” – and I will say, if this highlights the movement, even more, that’s GREAT, but lets stop giving all the credit to the celebrities – because I truly believe it started with those who hide behind the fear – those who are NOT seen in the limelight.

We need to bring awareness to all woman and men who have a story to be told! Let’s give credit to this movement to ALL who speak and use their voice to the truths around sexual assault, sexual abuse, and rape.

You matter, and your voice matters! Stand tall against a society that chooses to focus on what will sell the story – because, in the end, no amount of money can equal up to the courage it takes to speak your truth.

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crying wake ups – what does it mean?

Those who do not weep, do not see.”  – Victor Hugo

I’m sleeping soundly, and then I find myself crying in my sleep, and when I realize this, I am wrestling and struggling to wake up out of the dream – and when I wake, I have tears rolling down my face and the emotions build even bigger as I continue to cry.

I then realize, WAIT I just woke up out of a dream, why am I crying and why am I so sad?

Sometimes I will stop crying right away, sit and think about it, feel puzzled on what just happened! Then other times I will continue to cry out of my sleep, even sob and feel completely sad about whatever it is that I may have seen in my dream that made me have tears.

Sometimes the crying wake up is so bad that it leaves me feeling out-of-place all day, and it sits within me wondering “what is going on, and why does this keep happening to me”?

As some of you may know, I have written about this a few times on my blog, but for a few years now I have gone through bouts of crying as I wake up out of my sleep. It’s the worst feeling in the world because as our bodies sleep, our body is paralized, but the mind and emotions are not, therefore you truly feel what it is your feeling.

This has been a huge topic in therapy, and when I tell my therapist “I had a bad crying wake-up” he knows what that means. He understands the depth of how that makes me feel, and the struggle I have had with this for quite some time now. He will ask “did you continue to cry when you woke up, or did you stop it right away?” because there are times I will keep crying because I feel so incredibly sad, or I will stop it out of anger that it hapened again and why??!!

SO what does it mean and why does it happen? There are many theory’s written online like, “repressed emotions having a space to open up when you are at your most vulnerable (sleeping)”. But for me, I believe it has to do with the young inner child within – – showing her emotions when I am least likely to stop them.

Its no surprise that I fear having emotions. I have struggled with this my whole life, and this fear showed up most in therapy when I began expressing my emotions! I have a fear of showing emotions, therefor maybe that is why they show up in my sleep.

I’m not sure the reason, but I hate it and it feels horrible when it happens. When it happens it takes me out of my sense of self that whole day – even DAYS will go by that I struggle with the dream / crying wake up, even to the point of projecting.

Just this past week I had such a hard week in therapy since the crying wake up – I was projecting my feelings onto my therapist and in the room, but I can’t help it, this is what happens to me and it sucks.

SO for now, all I can do is pay attention to these cruyingwake up’s and work with them the best I can until I really get an understanding around them, but for now, its something I struggle with and I have no understanding around it and that is OK because it means something.

Does anyone else struggle with crying wake ups or crying out of your sleep

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31 Days of Finding My Voice {Day 1} – The Challenge

It’s another year of the October “31 Days Writing Challenge” and I have decided to take the plunge! I have to admit. I was really hesitant

I have to admit, I was really hesitant over whether I was going to do it again this year, its not easy writing every day for 31 days. Heck I have a hard enough time writing once a month! but I am up to the challenge, because this journey I am on, has always been about taking chances, pushing through, and mostly finding my voice.

This 31 days challenge of “Finding my Voice” is about letting whatever is here in my mind speak to the space of this challenge, this blog. My writing has always been about that – but this is on a deeper level. Most of the time I write when I feel up to it, or find the words to the blog – but this challenge is about pushing through to use my voice even on the days its hardest to write.

I can’t promise I will make it through the whole 31 days, but I am going to try my hardest, I am going to make it my own personal challenge, and maybe that will help me grow this blog to where it used to be years ago when I wrote daily.

Maybe this challenge is not just about finding my voice, but finding the courage to be even when the moment doesn’t feel right, and pushing myself to connect even on days I dont want to connect.

One of the things I love most about this challenge is the connection is creates with others. You connect with so many different people on this challenge who are all out to do the same thing – connect, and write and push themself to the limits of putting your thoughts out there – even on days you wouldn’t normally write. We are all in the same boat and that is an awesome connection.

So come back every day and see what words and thoughts find this space! I look forward to connecting with others on this 31 day challenge.

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