a meaningful gift
When I think of a”shell” I think of something that covers or surrounds, but in other ways a shell can be beautiful even when broken.
My therapist came back today after being on vacation at the beach for a week, and he brought me back something that held so much meaning to me.
It held meaning not just because of what the item was or represented, but because also of who it was from and that he hand-picked this on the ocean while thinking about my healing path and journey.
My therapist handed this to me today in session and he had a story behind it. He said he was going to give me a broken shell, and then a perfect shell as a part 2, but then he thought of how this one is perfect, because it’s broken, yet beautiful.
My healing process has been about the broken-ness of my past, but how beautiful the outside looks as it heals. If you look at the photo above of the shell he got me, you can see how it’s broken, but you can still see it’s a shell.
I have many scars, but it doesn’t change who I am, or who I truly am on the inside outside the abuse I endured my whole life.
This shell represents my healing journey, that even something that is broken, can be absolutely beautiful and have meaning.
My therapist told me that he carried this shell around in his pocket and he carried me along during his vacation last week and that meant a lot to me.
I have always struggled to accept gifts. I get embarrassed, flustered, red, blushing, hot ears, and shy about getting gifts from people. It’s about the self-worth.
I have had friends tell me how frustrating it is because it’s hard to get me something, or when they do get me something it takes me a long time to accept it, use it, and find my self-worth in it .
I am not sure where that part comes from in my past, but I am sure it’s something that we will explore as yet another part of my healing.
Taking this from my therapist today was hard at first, but then when I saw how much it represents my healing and my journey and how my therapist held onto that for me, it meant SO much to me.
I wanted to share this today with my readers to show that even things that are broken, are still beautiful. That a shell cam represent many things; not only to cover or hide behind or something that surrounds us. Not everything has to be perfectly together to hold meaning.
It was great to be back in therapy today, and I look forward to showing up tomorrow to see where the journey continues. i am grateful for this meaningful gift, and every time I feel broken, or not worthy enough, I will look at this shell and remember that even though this healing process is hard at times, there is beauty on the other side of it.
Thank you Andy for this wonderful hand-picked gift you got me . . . it was perfect!
June 12, 2013 at 9:59 AM
I love shells too. How wonderful to connect deep meaning to something like a shell…broken and whole. I like what you say about how a broken shell is still beautiful. I could also see how when a shell is broken you can see the beauty of the inside too. When I first read about your shell I thought you might say something about the shell being like a wall…in the positive sense, how a wall give form or shape to the creature inside the shell, protects it and even provides it a home.
I used to have a fantasy of having a giant spiral shell big enough to be a room inside to be in. I thought it would be amazing to be inside a spiralling chamber like that.
It’s very heart warming to hear about the heart of your T and how he holds you close to his heart even when away.