7 years of healing!
Today marks 7 years that I have been on this amazing healing journey; the journey to healing and finding life on the other side of what I only knew.
7 years ago I walked into therapy and met someone who would make a huge impact on my life and in many ways still does.
I not only met someone who impacted my life to walk this journey aside of me, but I met myself through the healing process.
The photo to the left is the hope box that I made my therapist celebrating the amazing connection and goodness on this path and the reflection of who he is as a person, healer, and someone who I admire and look up to.
When I was 5 years old I remember sitting in my closet rocking back and forth saying “God, I really wish I could find someone who I can talk to and trust” and I remember repeating that prayer a lot; even into my teen and adult years.
God answered my prayers 7 years ago when I built up the courage to take the steps towards healing, and to dive forward into this amazing yet very hard journey.
This has been an incredibly hard but rewarding journey! There have been moments of wonder and unsureness when it got REALLY hard, or at times overwhelming – but I have learned how to fight in those questionable moments of wonder! I found my worth that every time I show up, its another part of me coming to life.
If I were to look back on who I was 7 years ago, I would have to say I don’t quit remember the person I was, because its so different than the person I am today.
I have learned about connection and trust. I have learned how to use my voice to be heard with no consequences or judgement. I have learned how to take risks even when the risks were filled with wonder and fear. I have learned how to connect with someone and to learn that not all connection is abusive, connection can be love and care.
7 years ago I wouldn’t let anyone come near me unless they were my kids or my husband. When people would come towards me to hug, I would scatter in fear or numb myself enough to not feel it.
My therapist has gently taught me how to walk towards people and not run away. He has taught me how to embrace a hand, embrace a hug, and to know that I am loveable and cared about and wont be abused in that.
7 years ago I would show up to session and spend a good portion of the session with one foot out the door only saying a few words towards the end before leaving.
7 years ago I didn’t know how to talk about my feelings, or even say the word “CRY” without wanting to run. My therapist has guided me and pulled me in to learn that my emotions are so OKAY and they are welcomed, supported and cared about.
Today I am a different person and it took a lot of hard work to get to this point.
There were some real struggles along the way, and some things that almost got in the way of my healing, but connection and the goodness of our work showed just how strong our connection is and the relationship we have built along the way.
The process of therapy is painful, but rewarding when I can look back at who I was 7 years ago and not even notice the person I was to the person I am today.
I am still walking this amazing healing journey, and although there are times its so hard that I don’t know how to keep moving forward, the process shows me that there is another side and I am still walking forward, not backwards.
I am SO grateful for my therapist Andy who is an amazing soul and has TRULY taught me what life can be like on the other side.
Thank you Andy for showing up and being big and truly taking me in to your wisdom and guidance and helping me to really trust what connection is like.
This has been a HARD, PAINFUL yet amazing journey to healing, and every step I keep taking forward I know am walking towards the person God intended me to be.
I am blessed for this journey, and thank God everyday for hearing my prayer to healing.
7 Comments
Mary
April 28, 2014 at 8:29 PM
Hi Karen,
What a beautiful post! Like I told you last night, you are worthy of this path to healing and you have proved that through your dedication to yourself and this path you have taken.
I am sure Andy will be over the moon to read this amazing dedication of 7 years of healing.
Thank you for sharing this and that box you made is beautiful, just beautiful
Mary <3
Hanna D
April 29, 2014 at 6:25 AM
What a blessing Karen! 7 years? that is an amazing Journey thus far! You have really perservered through a lot in the past couple of years, and you still punch through the hard time showing your desire to heal. I don’t know how you do it sometimes. You inspire me to be a better therapist, and I am sure you shed that light on many other therapists out there who would love to work with clients like you.
I love the box as well, you will have to show me how to make those.
Thank you Karen for sharing this post… I am sure Andy is just as blessed.
Blessings
*Hanna*
Shannon
April 29, 2014 at 7:04 AM
I love this post! I love that box as well! thank you for sharing your amazing journey! you inspire me Karen. Your healing process has been something I have read for years and you inspire me to work harder in my own path with my own therapist.
Thank you for sharing this lovely post about your journey.
-Shannon
ziggy40
April 29, 2014 at 7:14 AM
Dear Karen,
I’m not in a good space, but have felt inspired by your journey and frank honesty. Thank you for allowing me to journey with you . Sending warm fluffy clouds and a future where you “see” the brave warrior I “see” in you……..lol
Love Ziggy
p.s I wish I had the courage to blog, at the moment, I’m making little sense to even my treatment team. My T also still supports me , giving me hope in this painful time. I’m grateful and also feel blessed in learning to connect , two years in and slowly beginning to trust him..<3
KarenBeth
April 29, 2014 at 7:31 AM
Hi Ziggy! I have to say I really miss your writing, but you know what? this is about your process, and your process has to allow you to do what you feel ready to do.
I am so sorry you are not in a good space right now. Trust me, I have had moment of not being in a good space, but know this, its not a place you will stay at forever. Times change, and shifts are made, and if you keep working hard towards what you see, you WILL get there.
Keep leaning on support, read blogs, write for yourself, stay grounded and connected to those who love and support you, you will get there my friend.
I am glad you are making progress in your healing with your therapist.. that is a wonderful thing! if you ever need to talk, let me know 🙂 I am always open to hear.
Karen
Gel
April 29, 2014 at 12:58 PM
Such a wonderful celebration. I love that you take the time to share about this milestone and all the good that has happened for you.
You have been a constant inspiration in the time I’ve come to know you through your blog (as well as your comments on my blog and some emails). We have all different kinds of friendships and I’m learning about that through being your friend via this blogging format.
There is not a lot of healthy celebration of accomplishments in our culture. A lot of times it comes across as bravado or puffed up arrogance. Your post here shows a way to humbly, graciously and delightfully celebrate your growth, passages and especially your gratitude for the help you’ve had along the way.
My hat’s off to you.
xoo
KarenBeth
April 29, 2014 at 3:56 PM
Awwww Thank you so much Gel! that means a lot to me! I am honored to have you as a friend and someone I connect to.
Its just as good to celebrate the good as it is to work on the hard and I believe we need to make room for all of it. When we experience and go through the hard times, we also need to find JOY in the hard! sometimes that is hard to believe in or find, but I try to always find that small glimmer no matter what hard I go through.
Andy just told me in session today that he notices that whenever I am going through a really hard time, I tend to find that small bit of something to hold onto and then writing about it – just like this blog. Its all about the hope! you NEED to see the joy in order to fight the hard!
Thank you Gel 🙂 ((HUGS))