6 years ago today – my journey to healing

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Today I am celebrating 6 years of being on this journey to heal towards me and sharing this celebration with someone who has taught me so much about what life could possible be like on other side.

6 years ago I walked into therapy and met someone who would help me take a walk along a path that I never thought I could take.

6 years ago I decided to say yes to me, and no to the silence.

6 years ago I took a risk to enter into a painful process that had me wondering at times how I was able to move through it and continue – but I did.

6 years ago I was one person, and today I am another.

When I walked into therapy today my therapist and I talked a little about the 6 year journey this has been so far and one of the things he said to me that he wanted me to write in my blog so that I could see the self-worth in myself  and that was

I am a better therapist, a better person, a better father, a better husband, a better child of god because of our work together, and because of you“.

When he said that to me, I cried, I had tears. I don’t understand how I (a person who is broken from my past) can make such a huge difference in someone else’s life like that. He wanted me to share this on my blog because he wants me to see what I can’t see; but eventually will be able to see.

These past 6 years on this journey has been the hardest work I have ever done; but also some of the most honoring work I have ever done.

A process that is hard, sad, confusing, and at times filled with anger, but also filled with joy, grace, and so much empowerment.

Like any other relationship out in the big world, there have been small ruptures and frustrations along the way between my therapist and I, but the one thing promised and the one thing we stand by is  “We can talk about anything“, and we always do, no matter what! That is something I never had in my life; the ability to talk and be heard and to listen openly with no consequences.

This process of healing in the past 6 years has allowed me to get to know a huge part of myself that I never knew was there. I found parts of me hidden inside that laid dormant for so long, and a part of this process has been about waking up the true self inside of me, and getting to know myself.

Yes it’s still a work in progress, but today I am not the same person I was 6 years ago, and because of that I am able to continue taking the walk forward trusting that something bigger and better is here underneath all that was covered since i was a child.

I went from sitting on the black leather chair by myself with one foot out the door in my therapy room, to being a part of the room allowing myself to sit with someone safe, and not wanting to run.

I have gone from silence to filling the room with my voice in truth.

I went from taking 2 steps back when someone wants to give me a hug, to taking 2 steps forward to embrace that.

I went from being only dependent on myself to learning how to accept support without the fear of being dependent.

I sit here tonight and I reflect on what the past 6 years and I am tearful, yet filled with Joy.

It has been a hard hard year for me in therapy, a year to not knowing if I could continue because of how hard it was – but what I have learned along the way is this: I AM WORTH every bit of the room I show up in. I am worth the place of healing. I am worth my voice to be heard, and I am worth the love and support that is here for me, not only from my therapist, but by those around me who walk by my side everyday along this process.

I have learned that sometimes in the hard – healing is happening even when It feels hopeless.

I wouldn’t take back ONE day of the 6 years I have been going to therapy. I wouldn’t take away one day that I sit with my therapist and learn, grow, and find the true me underneath all this pain I hold.

AND, I wouldn’t trade my therapist in for anyone in this world! I am SO BLESSED to have a wonderful person who God sent me to help me heal. He is one of my favorite people, and I am looking forward to seeing where else this journey will take me going forward in the work.

Thank you Andy for a wonderful and empowering 6 years so far.. I look forward to what else we walk towards on this path that God has laid out for me.

15 comments

  1. What an amazing celebration today. Congratulations on six years of healing. The joy you must be feeling. Recovery is an amazing journey, I sometimes get carried back to my childhood and the stories and experiences that marked my own journey from feeling like a neglected, unaccepted, unworthy child to the man God has made me today. He is an amazing God and it is His love and His mercy that allows us to come from the dark places of our youth into His marvelous light as adults after His own heart. I will pray for you that God continues to grow that embattled inner child you once were into the woman God always intended you to be. You are priceless and worthy of His love. I look forward to meeting you and helping you capture your story to share with others. May God richly bless you today and in all your days ahead.

    1. Steven…. which reminds me, I AM going to call this week, it’s been hectic for me to have time to sit down and talk, but I will and I look forward to it.

      Thank you for your prayers… they are SO much appreciated.

  2. Karen, what a lovely testament. I enjoyed this story and I am so happy the journey you and Andy have taken together. It’s rare, very rare these days for a therapist to have a long standing client who works so hard like this. he must be just as proud Karen, dont over-look that.

    Healing is a courageous act of self love, I get to see this everyday in my own practice, and trust me when your therapist says that it makes him a better person – believe in that, because I am sure you give just as much to Andy as he gives you.

    I could just HUG you right now, this story was so beautiful.

    Thank you for sharing this Karen, it made me tearful

    Hanna

    1. Hanna, Thank you, I am tearful by your words. I am proud to have Andy asa therapist. He is incredibly wisdom filled, I could listen to his wisdom all day long. he is fun, open, and just a GREAT person! I wish you could meet him. He has this BIG ENERGY that lights up a room and you just know he can help. .. I can’t explain it.

      I am blessed, I really am. I have amazing support system .. I really do

      Thank you Hanna

    2. Hanna –
      I was taken aback by your comments that you, as a therapist yourself, can assure Karen Beth that as much as she gets from Andy is as much as he also gets from her.
      ~This idea hits me in my solar plexus. Oh, boy.
      I still live a lot in a place of feeling very unworthy.
      Today, as I go into therapy, I will use your thoughts, and Karen’s, to be a springboard of hope.
      Thank you, Karen and thank you, Hanna
      <3 <3.

  3. What a wonderful day…to celebrate, to look back and see how far you have come. I’m a year in and learnt soo much, I’m in really painful place, I’m not really feeling ‘deserving’, so I’m leaning on my therapist. Thank you for the hope, I love that you can ‘own’ your right to healing, I struggle with that! Thank you for sharing….. I hope the journey ahead is full of color, joy, freedom….

    1. Ziggy… thank you, and just know, those hard places are okay… I love the quote “if your not okay, that is okay” .. try and keep that in mind. I am glad you have your therapist to lean on …. healing is hard, a hard process – but worth it :)

  4. Congratulations on such a huge achievement. I know how hard those dark times can be. Reading this has made my heart heavy with the hope I so long to feel. I need to read more posts like these. Thank you for sharing your successes.

    1. Thank YOU :) and reading comments like this makes me happy and makes me want to connect and write more. thank you for your nice comment

  5. Karen. I have been in therapy for a little over a year now, and I dont have the relationship like you do with your therapist. You are so lucky to have a healing partner who you can lean on. He must be a really neat guy for you to be there 6 years later and still show up and work hard. I am happy for you.

    How do you do it? Healing is so hard. Therapy is so hard that I want to quit so many times. 6 years?

    thank you for sharing this

  6. Karen I’m so HAPPY for you. There is so much growth and joy to celebrate. I love how you share about your relationship with your therapist. I’m sure he has benefited so much from working with you and I’m so pleased that he acknowledges it to you. And you know ~ you sharing your journey has also helped other people…me included. Thank you!!!

    1. Thank you GEL, that means so much to me…. I am honored to take people along with me on this journey.. and maybe I need to give myself a little credit.. maybe Andy does benefit from me.. maybe there is something to learn about this …. I will have to work with that, but maybe I am getting it hearing everyone else say it too.

  7. 6 years is a long journey, what a great journey story this is. Your therapist seems so outgoing, fun, understanding and compassionate. This was a fun read, made me smile the whole way through. Thank you for sharing this amazing story

  8. OH Karen, this made me tearful. What a great story and a great journey milestone. You deserve this karen, you have been through so much in your life and God has given you this gift, and your therapist this gift and you need to grab it up and eat it, because you are such a great person who deserves all the healing in the world. I LOVE this blog

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