31 days of reflection {day 27} trust

a67577328e501394257e337a5e4b0011Trusting is a hard thing to do especially if trust is something that has been broken so many times in your life.

Trust is not something that comes easily to me. It takes a lot for me to quiet the young part inside of me down from the past that was abused in that trust.

My whole childhood was about not trusting those around me, and always being on guard for the next bad hurtful thing to happen.

It was hard to trust anyone and still to this day it doesn’t come easily – it comes with some work from not only myself, but from those who are in a relationship with me.

My work in therapy for the past 7 1/2 years has been about learning to see and feel trust, and it began right in the therapy room with my therapist. He showed me what trust, care, safe touch, and connection felt like and how to trust that.

I am not the same person I was 7 1/2 years ago, I have learned to trust all those things; especially the connection piece. I can easily accept hugs, hold a hand and trust the hand, I can trust a promise or something being told to me . . . but also, the downside to my past is – there are times I still struggle with it.

Have a past of abuse sometimes in the world today those old old tapes and old old messages still creep up from deep inside that tell me something isn’t safe – when most of the time it is.

it’s the constant work that I have to do inside to keep those old messages at bay when I really have trust around me to trust.

I fight constantly with those old messages and those are the times that my work in therapy with my therapist has really helped to hear the old messages for they really are vs. what the truth is today. We have worked incredibly hard with this over the years – especially this past year we have worked very hard around working with the old messages inside.

I am reminded daily by GOD that there are good things to trust, even in God and his word and promise to us to always be by our side – and I use that trust that God has given me to try and apply it to everywhere else in my life and I work hard to do that.

Trust is a hard hard thing. . . if it’s broken it can be so painful and take so much time to repair – but the beauty of trusting also comes with it’s blessings of having those who really honor that trust and connect us to it.

5 comments

  1. I have found that developing trust after childhood abuses, requires getting clear on my boundaries and learning how to take care of myself around other people. Part of my distrust of others is having never learned in childhood that my needs matter and that I have the right to take care of my self. I have even had to tell myself, when feeling trust issues come up…to literally tell myself that “I will take care of you (me), I will stand up for your needs, I will protect you…” When I really feel that inside myself I then have more courage to connect and trust others.

    there is more to it. I also recognize now that other people mostly are good intentioned but also have their flaws…so unintentional transgressions can trigger distrust for me.

    What you share reminds me that those of us who’ve been abused will have a reflex, a first reaction of distrust. But we can cultivate a 2nd response of open trust that includes self care.

    Blessings to you dear Karen!!!

  2. “it’s the constant work that I have to do inside to keep those old messages at bay when I really have trust around me to trust” – in total agreement. Also agree with the commenter that open trust includes self care (and lots of it!)

    1. Thank you so much!!!! Im sorry you have to know how this feels, but at the same time, glad that we connected and that you are not alone … keep connecting :)

Please take a moment to comment! I love connecting with others!