31 days of reflection {day 25} being the victim

October 25, 2014Karen Courcy

afe36f2c6d6c6d936157bff6e28a80c2I saw this quote to the left and it felt big and powerful!

Sometimes it’s easy to become the victor of hard situations; especially if we feel so wronged over and over that we dont have any control over what burdens us.

The thing is, we have a choice to be either – the ball is in our court.

Being a victim doesn’t sound very powerful or enpowering, but it’s not about being the victim that defines us, it’s about how we take being the victim of someone else’s free will.

A long time ago when I first began therapy I had this anger with God. I said to my therapist “me and God are not on talking terms right now, how can he stand by my whole life and watch all this bad happening to me and not do a darn thing about it?”.

He then made me realize that It’s not God who stands by and lets this happen, it’s about the free will of others and how God is standing over my pain shaking his head in dismay at the free will of others to hurt another.

God is here for us in Minimum protection but MAXIMUM support – meaning, God can’t do much about the free will of others, but he can support us through it and love us through our pain to help us get through.

Since my therapist told me that 7 years ago, I have a new relationship with God . . . . I am the victim, not the victor! I can choose to not let the free will of others take me under, but I can sure talk about how much that sucks and hurts!

I don’t feel sorry for myself, but putting the pain and the hurt to whom it belongs to is giving the power back to me and the anger onto the person who deserves that anger.

It’s not easy to always see it that way, but the beauty is, with God by our side, we have the choice to find empowerment over our past and not the let the past define who we are.

When I was abused as a child, I didn’t have a choice, but today I do and although sometimes its hard to find empowerment over the pain and triggers I have today, I still have the choice to not let it define the person I am – its about taking that power away from those who have hurt me and giving me my SELF back.

Not always easy, but doable… God is on our side and he is rooting for us, show him you are the victim and not the victor .. stand strong and fight for what has been taken.

A quote came to mind … a very very special quote that someone shared with me a long time ago and that is “God will restore what the enemy has taken” .. he can’t stop the enemy from taking, but he can restore us to heal those painful wounds and I believe THAT!

I am living proof 7 1/2 years of therapy so far that wounds can heal .. it’s a slow process and very painful at times, but I feel it happening every day I fight for it.

The triggers are still here, the anxiety I still suffer from, the self doubt I live with sometimes, and the shame I sometimes wake with .. but I always have that hope inside that every day will get better if I just keep walking the path to healing.



  • Anna

    October 27, 2014 at 1:21 PM

    Loved this post, Karen! I too have struggled with “how could God let this or that happen?”… but then I realized that our free will is His greatest gift to us, that way our returning to Him is all the more precious and meaningful.
    Lots of blessings, Anna

  • Melissa Kent Krueger

    October 27, 2014 at 1:53 PM

    I admit I’m a bit confused about your post – I’m thinking perhaps you have the terms victor and victim mixed up? Being a victim is being powerless… being a victor is taking the bad situation, fighting, and making the most of it.

    Either way, happy blogging to you!
    – Melissa

    1. KarenBeth

      October 27, 2014 at 2:11 PM

      No, see this can be very confused if you don’t think of it the way some can think of it … being the victim is YES horrible, but when you are a victim, you are not at fault for someone else’s wrong doing..

      There are people who are TRUE victims to what has happened to them, and then there are the people who cry victor .. people who are a victim and yet blames everyone and everything but doesn’t do anything about it because they are trying so hard to make everything look great!

      Victim and Victor can be very confusing, it depends on how you look at it! and that is the way I wrote about it.

      1. KarenBeth

        October 27, 2014 at 2:15 PM

        What I also meant by this is, people who are the victim of abuse sometimes think they are bad because they are a victim, so they shout victor! they stand tall but yet there not! it’s that whole saying of “she is either crying victim or victor” but you can be a victim and still have so much power without having to fake being empowered! I hope that makes sense 😉 hehehe

  • karrileea

    October 27, 2014 at 1:57 PM

    Love this… and love that you are standing up and speaking out and sharing your life – the good and hard parts… There is this super cheesy Christian film (The Diner, maybe? I can’t remember the title) but this post made me think of it because “Jesus” was asked the same question… how He could stand by and let abuse happen to her, and His answer was that He was weeping and screaming NO to the abuser, trying to break through to him and stop what was happening… His heart was breaking both for her, and for her abuser. Such a powerful image. So thankful for the Hope that remains and grows and swell in us!

  • 30oclock

    October 27, 2014 at 2:13 PM

    Thank you for sharing such a difficult and personal struggle. God is definitely working in you. I don’t know if you have ever done the Beth Moore Breaking Free study but it is phenomenal. It has helped me break through the chains of victimhood and fully rely on God to strengthen me. God bless you!

Please take a moment to comment! I love connecting with others!

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