31 Days {Day 9 & 10} ???? Connecting with a friend

newkarenjenI have been a little behind on my 31 days because I have a friend here from out of town that I haven’t seen in 6 years, and she is here for 6 days.

Jennifer (JENSHIM) and I have been good friends for over 9 years now, she is from West Virginia so I don’t get to see her as often as I would like; although we talk everyday by text.

With me going through the isolation I have gone through the past couple of years, I pushed away a lot of my friends in fear of others seeing the hard space I was in, so I isolated even those who mean a lot to me or those who I am close to.

This is the first time I have welcomed someone into my space since the isolation, and I have to say I am pretty proud of myself for seeing past the isolation and how I feel about myself to have someone in my space for 6 days.

I have set up good boundaries during the visit, I plan to still do my therapy during the week this week, and I made sure I told her my schedule so that I can still feel a sense of things being within a safe schedule for myself, but at the same time I am allowing myself to step out and do things a little different as well.

We have had a pretty good time so far! She does Yoga and I do writing so it’s a good mix of our time while she is here. I think its working out great so far, and I am proud that I am really working hard to step out of the isolation just enough to heal from some things I have struggled with.

One of those things is “eating a little more”. The past 2 years while I have been isolated and depressed my eating has really decreased and eating has become hard for me. I have stuck to very small meals; only being able to have 2 bites per meal, and that has really effected me and my home life. Since Jen has been here, I have been following her eating a little – eating breakfast and a little more at dinner.

I think this visit is a good way for me to continue taking steps out of this hard place I have been in, and not only that, but it helps me to understand a little of what I have been struggling with, helping me to understand where the isolation begins and where connection takes off from that.

This is a healing experience for sure.

There have been times I have gotten a little quiet while she has been here, but I know that is normal as I work through having someone in my space again.

4 years ago this wouldn’t have been any problem for me. I was outgoing and loved being connected to people and friends and even eating was something I enjoyed to do with friends.

Sometimes looking back on those moments and realizing how hard it is today is really hard for me because this is not who I am today – I don’t like to isolated myself from others and I am working so hard to move out of what the past couple of years has done to me.

So as I am spending time with a good friend this week, it’s a blessing and a curse, I feel great being with someone I am close to, enjoying the time of being connected, but at the same time it makes me realize just how disconnected and isolated I have been the past couple of years ..

I know it’s healing, looking at it that way sometimes help – that this is the path of finding the old me again. Sometimes you need to step into what was familiar no matter how uncomfortable it feels.

So as I continue to spend time with a friend this week, I will still write and give myself the familiar space to be who I need to be – at the same time taking steps to re-connect.

β€œYou will never feel alone, if you run down the stairs of loneliness; as every solitary step becomes your companion.” ― Munia Khan

2 comments

  1. Going through tough times alone is hard. No matter how uncomfortable it may feel, just surround yourself with people you love. We all need that shoulder to cry on, that friend to laugh with, that person we can trust to tell everything to. It takes bravery, but it’s such wonderful medicine for the soul.

  2. Karen, after reading this post, I can understand a bit more the feelings you have expressed about having someone in your space! But, now that you can look back on that visit from your special friend…you did it! My friend, you DID it! You shared your home; your space; and you spent it with a long-time friend you haven’t seen in quite a number of years! Be proud…Karen! Be very proud of the progress you are making!

    One day…you’ll look back on all of this and the memories will be good; those bad memories and feelings will be so in the past that they appear almost non-existant (yes, they’ll still be there; but not as clear)…

    Thank you for sharing your heart, Karen! Your writing is healing for you; and you share it with your bloggin’ friends (and others that may be more than friends)!!! ;)

Please take a moment to comment! I love connecting with others!