I think when someone close to us passes away, we are so caught up in the hype of being supportive to family and going through the process of that death, that we never process the feelings and emotions that go along with the loss.
I wasn’t there when my mom passed away this past January. I live down in Georgia, and my family lives in NH, and the night she passed away, I wasn’t able to have that moment with her like everyone else did.
I asked my sister to tell me the details of what happened that night, and hearing the story was harder to hear than I thought, and it hit my sister all over again too as tears filled the phone call.
I think it’s something that her and I needed to re-visit, but it left a whole in my heart tonight. I told my husband how I felt really depressed tonight, but maybe its not being depressed but more so processing feelings that needed to be processed.
My mom was sick for a long long time, and I always knew the day would come, and my sister and I both thought we were ready for this day as we prepared for it for so so long.. but nothing can really prepare you for losing a mother.
My moms death has hit me a lot harder than I am letting on. I think I have a lot of un-processed feelings that I have yet to process and its something I am going to have to talk to Andy my therapist about.
I think there is something here that needs to be healed, I’m just not sure what that is yet. There is a void and that void is taking over something else in my life and I need to find out what that is.
I am still numb from my mom’s death and its been 8 months … this phone call my sister and I had really woke me up to the void that is here and to the possibility of healing that could really change what is going on deep inside.