– tonight I sit with vulnerability as the past couple of sessions have been all about “being open and vulnerable; talking about how I feel no matter what it is”.
and… that has been big and scary – yet healing and relieving!
Being in therapy for 8 years now you would think I would have this routine down pat! You would think the anticipation of hard work in therapy would be as easy as a snap of a finger … but the truth is, when it comes to your true emotions and your true feelings that need a space to be felt and heard, you never get used to that – you only accept it more.
My therapist is so good at helping me to talk about things that reside within – even if he has to do some digging!
The past couple of weeks I have felt a lot of emotions and feelings right at the surface! I have felt a lot of pent up anger and bitterness, and they need a place to land besides within me – eating ME up.
It’s been a long time since I have felt these kind of emotions being surfaced, but the thing is, I have learned to see these feelings as “emotions” and not “emergencies”. Something inside of me is telling me “hey, you need to feel, and you have a safe space to talk about those feelings”
and I have learned to trust it.
Like the quote above says:
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
It hurts more to keep these thoughts and feelings in, than it is to let them out and let them be heard and known.
I am anticipating tomorrow because we left off Friday with a really big session and we both agreed that I would let him HOLD the hardness of my feelings so I could go and have a peaceful weekend! Sometimes that works, but others times I just don’t know how to let someone else hold the hardness I feel inside.
This weekend, I let him hold onto my feelings and thoughts I began talking about in session Friday, and maybe that is why I am feeling more vulnerable – I have my true feelings and thoughts awaiting for me, but the good thing is, I have support to walk me back into it.
So, as I walk into the week of my therapy sessions this week, I will remind myself that, these feelings that are here, they don’t belong to reside in me, they deserve a place to land where they are heard, and seen and supported.
So I keep healing on . . . . one day, one session, at a time!